


To Be Human

by violentredstrider



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Actual Rape/Non-con, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Body Horror, Consent Issues, Dark fic, Extremely Dubious Consent, Gen, I'm just torturing everyone here, Keitor is healthy and wholesome, Lotor isn't a fucking asshole in this one, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Sorry Not Sorry, Zarkon is gross, diverges from the wormhole catastrophe, i sort of ripped of detroit:become human, keith's brain is messed with, narti shows up eventually, only a little, ooc keith, relationships subject to change, sort of but not really, when im not torturing them lmaooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-02-18 04:16:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13092219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentredstrider/pseuds/violentredstrider
Summary: Keith can't tell if he's human anymore or something closer to a machine. But he guesses that that really isn't up for him to decide.---After being sucked into the wormhole and separated from the rest of team Voltron, Keith ends up in exceptionally unfortunate circumstances. And unfortunately for him things only get much worse from there.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to give a bit of backstory going into this thing and also there'll be some notes at the end for further clarifying purposes.
> 
> This story takes place directly after the wormhole incident in like.... maybe the end of season one??? Honestly I can't remember lmao, but yeah, after that. Instead of getting separated and ending up on a planet with Shiro, Keith is spit out on his own and crash lands on a dangerous planet. Also while Voltron did kick Zarkon's ass they didn't do as much damage as they did in Canon, hence why in this story Zarkon is up and around and the central command is relatively repaired by the point our story gets underweight. This story disregards the canon events of the show, that being said I'll probs still add a lot of them in but mostly this story is gonna really veer off on it's own little tangent.

_“The wormhole has been corru-“_

_Red was all Keith could see, his visual display was pitch black, but his warning lights were all sounding off at the exact same time. His eyes darted from the dashboard and all its flickering lights to the buzzing holographic screens that flashed a blaring red and yellow warning notice and scrolled on and on in Altean characters that he hadn’t had the time to learn. Even with the sudden onslaught of noise and flashing lights and the endless turning head over heels as his lion spiraled- somewhere, who knows where- none of that was what truly distressed him. His heart was pounding and sweat poured out of him, but tears were burning his eyes from the stress and the thoughts all trapped inside his mind at that horrifying moment._

_‘I’m being separated, where are the others, why isn’t red talking to me, why can’t I see anything, why is red so quite, where are the others, is there anyone out there, red speak to me, why isn’t she answering me!?’_

_The red lion was completely silent, the only indication she still had some semblance of life rolling around between her metal plating being the endless warning messages and sirens going off within the cockpit._

_“Shiro!” He knew screaming was futile but he did it anyway, “Guys! Anyone! Please, please just answer me!!” His throat was raw from screaming so loud, he could still feel himself tumbling over and over._

_The siren buzzers went off line, plunging him into complete silence except for his rapid panting._

_Then the warning lights flickered off and his breath caught in his throat._

_Then the error messages and hologram boards all vanished, leaving him floating, tumbling through total darkness._

—-

Blood. In his mouth, caked in his hair, spilling over his lips and down his chin, plastered over the front of his suit. The scent was heavy and near vomit inducing, he’d long ago thrown up everything he’d eaten that morning and once that was gone he’d began to vomit all the blood he’d swallowed. His own blood. He couldn’t tell where he was hurt, couldn’t remember exactly how he was hurt, all he knew was that when Red landed, she landed hard. Enough so to knock him unconscious and cause him serious harm at the same time. When he’d finally managed to peel his eyes open he realized he wasn’t in the pilot seat anymore, the safety belts must have snapped from the impact. Keith lay in a pool of his own vomit and blood, his body crumpled and smashed against the bottom of the dashboard. 

The emergency lights had woken him, when they had eventually flickered back on, flashing red and disturbing his unconscious state. Red still hadn’t given any indication she was awake, but the warning lights comforted him in the realization that at least she was still alive in some way. As much as a giant mechanical cat could be alive. 

Keith groaned in pain as he extended his arms, his fingers dug futilely into the metal panels of the floor and he pulled himself forward, gritting his teeth against the pain as he dragged himself from underneath the dashboard. With just that simple move he was left panting, he blinked rapidly to clear the sudden blurriness form his eyes only to realize he was crying, from the pain or the distress he really couldn’t tell. Not giving himself any time to dwell on the pain, Keith pulled himself completely from underneath the dash and lay just at the foot of the pilot’s chair, panting and hurting. 

“R-red…” His voice was broken, it felt as if he’d just had a long drink of kerosene. “Red!” Metal squealed and the cockpit shook, Keith grit his teeth once again as the robotic cat shifted and aggravated his wounds. For one frightening moment the cat fell still again and Keith was sure she’d slipped back into slumber, leaving him alone all over again. But to his relief the cockpit suddenly flooded with light, nearly blinding him in the process but a huge relief none the less as the display screens finally came back online to reveal the world outside. 

_Keith…_ Breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding finally pushed its way out of his throat, he sagged against the floor as Red’s comforting presence pushed at his mind. She didn’t have a voice, so to speak, but it was as if he was still able to hear what she was trying to convey, it was an odd bond that none of the paladins had been able to properly describe. 

“Ugh… O-open a communication channel…” Keith spluttered against the blood still spilling from his lips, with shaking hands he reached up to remove his helmet, only to find it already gone. Must have fallen off in the crash. 

_With who?_ Red’s presence was becoming much more solidified in his mind, stronger, it meant she was waking up more. 

“A-any-“ Keith choked on a cough, pressing a hand to his mouth and shuddering as he felt the blood gush through his fingers. Not a cough, he heaved against his hand, stomach acid and blood gushing from between his fingers and splattering onto the floor. 

_The cockpit was breeched, impaled, so were you._ He could here a mechanical whir, a green light flashed over the room, Red was running scans and assessing the damage to herself and her pilot. 

“I-impaled?” Keith managed to pull his hand away from his mouth, planting both palms firmly on the floor and lifting himself just enough to look beneath himself. Sure enough, a fairly sized chunk of what had to be rock protruded from his abdomen. His worst fear was confirmed then, he wasn’t vomiting blood because he had swallowed too much, but because his internal organs were bleeding out and the blood was trying to escape him any way it could. “Dammit…” 

All communication channels are open, but I’m not receiving anything. He could feel the edge to her, like she too was just now realizing the severity of Keith’s injuries. He peered back over his shoulder, taking in the trail of blood he’d left and the pool under the dash, trying to add it all up and see how long until he bled out and died. He must have been hanging out with Pidge too much… She was always calculating… 

“Pidge..” He couldn’t help but laugh at that, he was dying and all he could do was think about Pidge sitting on the hanger floors with a calculator. His laugh easily turned into a sob and before Keith really knew it he had his forehead pressed against the cool metal floor, tears dripping right along with the blood.

 _Keith…_ It was a sorrowful sound that made him cry even harder, it made him weep. He had never felt such a feeling from Red before, she was always so lively and full of fire and fight. Now she seemed forlorn, grieving his eventual loss. He didn’t want to die like this, he didn’t want Red to witness him dying like this. Didn’t want to have to think about when he stopped breathing and his body grew cold, how would she get back to the other lions? Would she have the heart to eject him when she did? _No._ Would she let the other paladins come in and take his body away? _No, you are mine, they cannot have you._ Would she forget him? _Never. Never. Never._

Ah, there it was, that fire, that fight. 

_I won’t let you go, Keith. I won’t let anyone take you away from me, not again, I won’t loose another Paladin like this, not again._

If lions could cry, he was fairly certain that Red would have been at that moment. He could feel the sorrow and the determination and the reality of false hope crashing over her all at once. 

“Red…” He rested his cheek against the floor, he hurt, he hurt so much. “Its over…”

_No, it’s not._

“I’m tired…”

_But you just woke up, you can’t be tired!_

“Red… I can’t fly… The other lions are scattered… The castle is… I don’t know… We’re stranded, I’m going to die… Theres no way I can survive this… I’m-“ Keith choked on his words again, why was it so hard to tell a robotic cat from space goodbye? Why was she fighting it? Machines didn’t have feelings, not really, did they? “I’m sorry.”

 _No._ The cockpit shook violently and Keith yelped from the aggravation of his wound, Red was getting up, he could hear a shrill squeal as Red violently pulled herself off of whatever had impaled her head. Looking around rapidly he saw it, just beside the pilots chair a hole seemingly appeared in the flooring, looking out of the hole he could see they must have landed on a jagged mountainside. The mountain pierced the cockpit and a shard of rock must have splintered off upon impact and impaled him. It didn’t make much sense, Red repelled lasers on the daily and yet a dumb rock had been able to do this much damage? 

_I won’t let you die, not like this._ Red let loose a ferocious growl as she took flight, Keith was just thankful they were finally off the ground as flying was a much smoother way of travel. The cool breeze coming from the opened tear in the floor wasn’t so bad either. It was almost pleasant… Almost. 

“Red… Stop… Its time to stop…” He could feel the life fading from him, his vision was so blurry now he couldn’t hardly see at all anymore. “Stop.” Keith could barely raise his voice above a whisper. 

So this is what it felt like to die.

 _No! You are my paladin! You can only die when I say you can!_ Red was growing more viciously by the moment. Her usual fire was growing out of control, burning hotter and hotter like a forest fire in the middle of a drought. He’d never felt her this angry before, this berserk. 

“Red-“ His heart stopped and he could feel it, a sound he never paid any attention to before was suddenly gone and it was as if the world had gone completely silent. His breath caught in his throat and darkness was finally closing in on him. Fear ate at his spine and a few final tears slipped free of his eyes before the breath he’d been holding was finally released and he did not take another.

Keith had passed from this world and into the next and Red could feel it. She could feel it in every fiber of her machinery and she let loose a mighty roar the likes of which had never been heard before. 

—-

Pain is all he knows now, sometimes he wakes in the night screaming from the pain. He does not dream, never dreams, not even nightmares will touch his tattered mind. If he is lucky he is blessed with thick darkness that provides some small ounce of rest, if he is unlucky, the pain follows him into unconsciousness. 

Keith huddles tighter into his little corner of the cell, the cell is too big for just one person but it was impossible to house him with other prisoners. The pain made him wild, unpredictable and vicious. He couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t this way, he couldn’t hardly remember anything. 

Sometimes, as he lay on the operating table with Galran druids leering over him, he would grasp at flashes of faces. The high pitched laughter of a familiar figure, a shinning smile, the warmth of a hug. He could remember the way they smelled, and the way their voices hitched with emotion, but he couldn't see their faces. He couldn’t remember their names or how he met them. The druids had taken that from him, they had taken so, so much from him. He held tightly onto the little things he could remember, he didn’t know who the people were that haunted his hours on the operating table, but they brought him comfort beyond belief in a place that offered nothing but torture and experimentation. He would not let them go, no matter how much the druids played with his mind. 

Other times his mind would stray deeper into the memories, he would travel past the faces and in the all encompassing darkness of his mind he would find an incredible warmth. A heat the could easily burn him up from the inside out but it never did. The warmth would flicker and dance as he prodded it, it would reach out to him, at first desperately but now with more patience and tenderness. He didn’t understand the strange warmth living deep in his mind, but he did not mind it’s comforting presence. Even with the witch’s insistent questioning and testing he kept this small warmth to himself. 

Though he could not remember much of his past or of the strange warmth lapping at his mind there was one certainty he had in his new life. The knowledge that he was little more than a puppet for Lord Zarkon. The only reason he was alive was because it pleased the emperor for him to be so. Keith thought that that knowledge alone should have disturbed him more than it really did but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. 

Where there was not pain there was an endless black that consumed all other emotions, very rarely he would grasp at something like fear or panic, but even then it was only in extreme situations of stress. It was getting harder and harder with each day for him to remember a time before this extreme emptiness, he could just barely grasp it now. He remembered the intense fear and anger that coursed through him, driving him to lash out at every little thing. Kicking and screaming and fighting with a will he didn’t know he’d been able to possess. But the witch took care of that quickly enough. 

She had wasted little time in slicing her way to his brain, toying with him and melding him until he was perfect in Zarkon’s eyes. When he had awoken his head ached and he was acutely aware of the lack of emotion, the lack of anything really, going through his mind. After that he was perfectly obedient, he did not hesitate let alone think when he was commanded by those authorized to command him. He simply did as he was told and felt none the lesser for it. Sometimes he would think back to how he was before Haggar planted her little device inside his skull, remembering all the pain and suffering within him, he knows now that this is better. The pain never left but he was not unhappy, he was not anything anymore. Just a dog, loyal to his master. 

—-

“Come here.” Zarkon’s voice was deep and imposing, echoing loudly in the large, empty expanse of his grand throne room. He sat confidently on his throne, staring intently at Keith who had just returned from his daily training regime. Keith spared little time in obeying, as soon as Zarkon’s voice had sounded the little ring of light now implanted into his temple had glowed a sharp green, indicating an affirmative to the order. Zarkon was endlessly amused by the changing colors of the loop, sometimes toying with Keith to purposefully make it blink yellow, indicating Keith’s confusion or inability to process properly. The little ring of thought indication had also come with the device Haggar had planted in his brain, a fun little after thought that made it practically impossible for Keith to hide his true thoughts or mood. Not that Keith would hide anything from his emperor.

“I heard about your training session.” Zarkon let out a pleased hum as Keith automatically assumed his position at Zarkon’s feet, curling a fist and pressing it to his chest in the customary Galra salute as he bowed his head so he was looking at Zarkon’s feet rather than his face. “You defeated Zethrid in single combat, I am pleased to hear that.” The emperor’s heavy hand landed on Keith’s hair, his claws scratching none to gently through his shorn locks. The loop on the side of his head glowed a neutral purple, the same shade as the lights that illuminated the central command ship. 

Zarkon had been expecting Keith to defeat all of the member’s of the elite team he had assembled, he expected Keith to be the best out of them all, including his own son. He wasn’t sure was drove the emperor to have such an obsession with Keith being the best over all of them but never the less Keith had been determined to deliver. If his master was happy then that meant Keith would be treated well for at least a night. He would do anything to please Zarkon and earn his affections. Anything to avoid another night in an isolation pod or worse, strapped to Haggar’s table. 

“You have defeated all five of your team members now.” Zarkon’s hand stilled in his hair, the claws lightly scrapping over the short hair on the back of his head. “Including Lotor…” For a moment the hand on his head tightened to near painful, Keith vaguely wondered if Zarkon would really kill him in an accidental moment of anger but thankfully the grip quickly loosened and turned much more gentle as it resumed petting him. “I suppose you have earned a reward for that.” 

“Thank you, Emperor.” Keith’s voice was soft and a little hoarse from disuse but the ring on his temple flashed green, showing his pleasure at having made Zarkon happy. 

“You may return to the team quarters,” the ring flashed green again. “But, if you fail my expectations again I will not hesitate to throw you back into a cell.” Zarkon’s voice was loud and the threat was clear in his tone, Keith nodded stiffly and kept his head bowed, the ring flickering yellow for a moment before returning to the neutral purple. The small reaction seemed to please Zarkon as he let out an amused rumble shortly before removing his hand from Keith’s head.

“You may go.”Keith spared no time in exiting the throne room, though he could no longer feel the full affect of his emotions any longer he still got an uncomfortable feeling each time he was around the supreme leader. He had not missed the way Zarkon’s eyes often trailed after him, looking at him as a prized object, or more likely something to be devoured. It sent an unpleasant shiver up his spine which he quickly suppressed in favor of not alerting any passed soldiers of his true discomfort. 

The quarters that he shared with the rest of his team was rather spacious considering the fact Zarkon often acted as though he held great distaste for the majority of the team. The room was large enough to house six individual beds and a private bathroom which was built more like a locker room than a bathroom one might expect in a bathroom. It was likely due to the fact the room used to be a training room of sorts, but was quickly converted to house Zarkon’s elite team. Keith never minded the very public shower situation, but neither did the others, they’d all spent enough time with one another by this point that nudity was very low on their list of concerns. 

“Keith~!” Ezor’s chipper voice reached him just as he opened the door to the quarters, she along with Lotor and Zethrid were lounging about the room, none of them seemed to be expecting his return so soon. “You’re back!” Ezor was flipping over her bed and bounding to him and in a matter of seconds she’d wrapped him in a warm hug. Keith remained still and unmoving for the duration of her affections but none of them really expected him to do much else. They were used to his robotic demeanor by now. 

“The emperor was pleased with me, he granted me access to our quarters as a reward.” He spoke softly and matter of factly, it was really only with his team that he felt comfortable enough to speak freely. Even if Zarkon prompted him to speak in his presence Keith used short sentences and only spoke what he knew Zarkon wanted to hear. 

“You should not have been banished from them in the first place.” Lotor snipped out angrily, the prince was secluded to his bed, looking as sour as the day he’d met Keith. Despite his anger and usually hostile nature towards Keith, Keith never blamed him for any of it. He understood that Lotor’s relationship with his father was toxic at best and seeing someone else earn Zarkon’s apparent affections was more than enough to inspire envy in him. However, Lotor was not always unpleasant company, he too seemed to realize his folly in blaming Keith for something Keith really had no control over, or even want. He tended to swing between defending Keith and projecting his anger onto him on the daily, right now he seemed defensive, which was a good sign for Keith. 

“It was my own fault, I failed in the one task Lord Zarkon bade me to do, I deserved the punishment.” Keith moved past Ezor, going to his bed so conveniently placed next to Lotor’s own. “I have learned from my mistakes.”

“I’ll say.” Zethrid rubbed her aching jaw, the final blow that had felled her during their combative match. “For such a little body you certainly pack a punch.”

“Do not make light of this!” Lotor growled from his bed, keeping his sharp eyes fixed on Keith’s back as he began to strip out of his armor*. “And you should not just lie down and accept whatever my father gives you.”

“I’m sorry.” Keith murmured as he removed the last of his armor, laying it out on the bed in a neat piled before he began to gather his much more comfortable clothing meant for sleeping or down time. “But I cannot disobey Lord Zarkon.” As if for emphasis the little ring on the side of his head flashed a bright red, an indication that even thinking of doing so was an absolute no-go on his part. 

Behind him, Lotor let out a tense breath, clearly aggravated by the entire situation. Keith knew on some level that the situation he was in wasn’t exactly a fair one. Having a machine planted in his brain that made him unable to disobey even the most violent of orders. Zarkon didn’t even need to lift a finger to torture him, he could simply make Keith do it to himself. It wasn’t fair but it simply was and there wasn’t much he or any of the others could really do about it. Mostly the others would ignore the little ring on his head, they wouldn’t mention the fact of what was done to him, they understood he had little choice in most of what he did. Lotor was the only one who seemed more than willing to bring it up or to even challenge his father’s commands as they were given to Keith. He would stare blatantly at the ring as it glowed and flickered between colors, his expression switching between one of pity to one of infinite rage. Keith couldn’t understand why he was so upset about it. But then again, Keith was almost certain he wasn’t allowed to contemplate it too deeply. 

Keith waited there a moment, naked and with his clothing and shower utensils in his hands, waiting for Lotor or one of the others to speak but when nothing came he finally moved off and into the bathroom.

By the time he got out of the bathroom Acxa had returned, she passed by him as she made her way to her own shower, not sparing him much of a greeting as was her way most days. Keith moved to his bed, being mindful as the other’s had soundly tucked themselves into bed for the night. Zethrid’s deep snores accompanied by Ezor’s occasional sleep mumble let him know the two of them were already fast asleep. Lotor on the other hand had his eyes open, not looking even remotely close to sleep. 

“Come here.” Lotor waved him to join him on his own bed, the other already leaning over to tug the hair brush from it’s place in one of the storage drawers under his bed. 

It was a strange feeling when someone bade him to do something but they were not authorized to have an absolute command over him. It felt odd not to feel his body move on it’s own to obey, instead he was given a moment to think and choose for himself if he wished to obey. Even still though, old habits die hard, and he did not so much mind Lotor’s nightly routine of insisting on brushing out his hair. Even if it was far too short to deserve such treatment. 

“I’m almost positive father cutting your hair was a punishment meant for me.” Lotor frowns softly as Keith finally sits on the bed, folding his legs to get more comfortable as the prince begins to gently run the brush through his wet hair. “He knows how much I loved to brush it out…”

Keith remembers that day clearly, as was usual Lotor was sat with him on the bed brushing his shoulder length hair after he’d finished with his evening shower. Unexpectedly a druid had come to summon Keith to Zarkon’s room for the night, their eyes had lingered on the affectionate activity between he and Lotor. That very night Zarkon had ordered for his hair to be cut into the short style it was now, a simple undercut that left Lotor frowning and agitated for the next few weeks after it was cut. 

“Lord Zarkon prefers me with short hair.” The little loop on his temple flashed yellow, a sign of his conflicting emotions on the matter. He wanted to please Zarkon but at the same time… 

“I do not believe that is a good thing.” He can feel Lotor’s eyes on his temple, the yellow light flickers and returns to purple. “My father is a cruel man, to be in his favor is a blessing and curse…” 

“I can not deny him.” Keith murmurs softly, staring at some point on the wall between Zethrid and Ezor’s beds. His mind feeling muddled with memories that he cares not to revisit.

“I do not like the way he looks at you.” The purple light flickers, nearly turning to yellow but Keith manages to stop it, keeping his mind focused on the wall instead of Lotor’s words. “He looks at you with a want I care not to think about.”

Keith remains silent, the light flickers yellow despite his attempts to keep his mind clear. This is not the first time he and Lotor have had this conversation. The prince makes his opinions known fairly often, every time he catches his father burning holes in Keith’s back as he leaves a room. Every time Zarkon’s gaze lingers a little too long when he orders Keith to change out of his armor or to try on something new the druids have made him. Keith is aware that Zarkon does not do the same things with the other’s as he does with Keith. The druids make new clothes for him more often then the others and when he does get new clothing the emperor demands he model them for his eyes only before he decides if Keith gets to keep them or not. It is disturbing to say the least but Keith can’t feel exactly how wrong it should feel to have the emperor prey on him as he does, knowing Keith can not tell him no. Luckily, long looks and the occasional lingering touch has been all the emperor has offered him. 

“Keith, look at me.” Keith turns to look at Lotor, searching his eyes for something but not finding it under the careful mask Lotor manages to keep in place. “You will tell me if my father does something to you, wont you?” His mask slips a little and Keith can see the true concern and worry in his gaze. He doesn’t understand why Lotor would be so worried about Zarkon toying with him.

“I don’t know if I can make any promises.” Keith shakes his head, wishing Lotor had the same authority over him that Zarkon does, then Lotor need only command him. He would much rather have Lotor commanding him then Zarkon. “If Lord Zarkon bids my silence then I must remain so… Even for you.”

He can see the hurt look cross Lotor’s face but then it quickly disappears beneath a false and reassuring smile. He dislikes causing unnecessary pain to his teammates but he is not allowed to lie either. 

“But if he doesn’t then you will tell me.” The words sound like they should be a question but it comes out as an order. Keith has not missed the way how Lotor occasionally tries to order him around as his father does, albeit Lotor’s commands are much more simple and never cause harm to himself or others. But Keith can’t help but feel like Lotor is jealous of the power his father has over him. Once again, he doesn’t understand it. 

“If that is what you wish.” The ring turns green and Lotor give a pleased smile, apparently taking that as Keith taking the command, when in reality it is just an affirmative color. If Keith is able he will tell the truth but if he is not then there is nothing he can do. For both of their sakes he hopes nothing of the sort ever happens and there is no need to keep or to break his promise to Lotor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I totally forgot to add in an actual description of Keith's armor in story so I'll just add one here lol. Basically it's just a copy of Lotor's canon armor, minus the skirt and with way small shoulder pads. Everything else is the same though. The girls and Lotor have the exact same armor they did in the show. 
> 
> Also lmao I completely forgot about Narti. I feel bad but I'm too lazy to go back and write her in, but don't worry she's def still in the team (hence why I didn't edit the number of beds in the room etc) She'll pop up in the second chapter for sure though so stay tuned!!
> 
> Also sorry if this chapter is on the short side, i just wanted to test the waters a lil bit before i go on and write like 20 chapters so any and all feed back is very much wanted!


	2. Affections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I know i only posted the first chapter yesterday and I should probs hold onto this one a lil longer since I haven't even started on chapter 3 yet but blugh. I'm about to get busy with christmas stuff so I just wanted to give you guys some more content before i poofed off for a few days. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented and as always I'll do some explaining in the end notes!!
> 
> Also I went ahead and bumped the rating up to Explicit just bc this chapter gets a lil bit darker and I rather be safe than sorry with the rating lol.

The next morning was normal as usual, after spending so many days in the isolation pod it felt almost unreal to be back in the quarters, watching the others move around and get ready for the day. It felt even more unreal to finally be able to slip into his freshly cleaned armor. It felt incredibly good to finally not smell like he’d been sweating in the dark for a week. He was sure his more sensitive nosed friends were even more grateful for it. 

“Today we will be running flight drills, Lotor is lead pilot, Keith you will be second pilot, Zethrid and Ezor you’ll be offensive pilots, and I will be at the head.” Acxa’s voice rang out over the normal hustle and bustle of the morning, the order in which they flew was always the same from nearly the beginning. Earlier in their training they’d all switch back and forth between positions until it was made apparent where they each belonged. 

Lotor and Keith as first and second pilots acted as the main navigators, helping to actually move the ship as they were the most adept at actually piloting something so massive and agile. Zethrid and Ezor as the offensive pilots handled most of the combative work, Zethrid controlling the sword in one hand and Ezor alternating between a shield and a rifle in the other. Lastly there was Acxa, she resided in the head of the giant robeast, her impressive intellect made her a natural as strategy and command. During their training exorcises Acxa was given authority over him, though she seemed hesitant to actually give him any commands, more than aware that she could very well be going against his own will with her commands. She’d taken the habit of posing everything as a suggestion or a question when speaking to him, Keith thought it was unusual that she wouldn’t enjoy the power over him as Zarkon and Haggar did, but he didn’t complain either. 

“You do not have to keep reminding us all that you are the head.” Lotor’s bitter voice spoke up from behind Keith just as he felt those familiar fingers at his back, helping him to secure his armor fully into place. Keith didn’t need the help but he didn’t stop Lotor from doting on him nonetheless. 

“I am simply reading the report, Lotor. If you do not like the positions then speak with the emperor.” The prince cringed at her words, everyone knew that Lotor had been more than stunning when he had once taken the position of the head, after all he was a natural leader even on a bad day. However, it wasn’t exactly a surprise when the emperor ordered him out of the position. It seemed like every time Lotor gained something he actually enjoyed Zarkon came and took it from him. 

“You know I can’t.” Lotor murmured and moved away from Keith, busying himself with tying up his hair so it could later fit into his helmet properly, that was one thing Keith didn’t miss about long hair. 

“If Lotor so much as looks at him I’m pretty sure Lord Zarkon would have him thrown into an iso pod and make Zethrid the head.” Ezor giggled despite herself, only laughing harder when Zethrid made an interested noise right at the same time Acxa and Lotor scoffed. 

Keith watched them all fondly as they squabbled amongst themselves, he had missed this in his time alone. Getting to hear them laughing with one another even despite the oppressive figure looming over them all. Somehow they managed to find mirth and fun even in the most difficult of times. Keith wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel truly happy after what haggar did to him, but he figured he got close enough when he was with his team. He could live with that.

Once they were all dressed and ready to go they headed out together, making their way to the elevator where Acxa input her code into the control panel. The elevator taking them to their designated floor in no time. This floor in particular acted as a second hanger, the main hanger was too full and mainly too busy for the delicate work that the team and those assigned to maintenance of the robeast. This hanger was large and mostly empty, it’s main space was taken up by the impressive ship they had all been assembled to pilot. 

The robeast, as Lotor had dubbed it early on, was a gigantic humanoid figure, however it’s basic shape was the only thing about it that was truly humanoid. The robot consisted of numerous heavy metal plates that acted as thick armor, the metal plates themselves did well against debris and indirect attacks but was not meant to take full frontal blasts from powerful lasers. The ship’s main function was it’s agility, it was incredibly fast, making it hard to hit and hard to control in the hands of someone less skilled than Lotor or Keith. The robeast was thin and almost gangly looking but Keith new the real power hiding behind it. The metal plates were shimmering white, accented with a luminescent purple that glowed when the robeast was active and awake. Finally, on it’s back were a set of impressive metal wings, the exoskeleton was the same white as the body and when activated the wings expanded with a vibrant purple that allowed them to fly. The ship itself was magnificent but it’s purpose was less so. 

“Time to load up, Keith.” Zethrid called him from where her and the other’s were making their way to the loading platform that would lift them up to the robeast’s chest, where they would enter each of their specific pods. 

Keith hurried to catch up, he could never keep himself from staring each time they made the journey up to the robeast’s chest, watching as the light reflected off the glistening metal. All too soon they had reached the loading point. They each took their helmet from the waiting stand and slipped it on, making certain it was properly secure before they went to their respective pods*.

He watched as one by one each member of his team was sealed inside a pod, a large metal arm came from one of the mechanisms on the wall and gingerly picked up the readied pod, taking it to a specific port in the chest of the robeast and inserting it. The port closing one the pod was secure. This was the most unnerving part to Keith. He had never been one for confined spaces and the pod was even smaller than a cell. He could never stop his hands from shaking ever so slightly as he climbed into his waiting pod. He didn’t miss the eye of the technician standing by drifting to where the ring was on his temple, he was almost positive it was flashing red from his minor distress. As the pod sealed around him he took a steadying breath, focusing himself on the controls of the pod that would eventually be linked to the robeast as the metal arm lifted him and pushed him into his proper place. 

As soon as the port door sealed shut behind his pod the control panels flickered to life, the blank space of the pod now showing him a near 360 view of the world outside of the robeast. The allusion of being outside instead of jammed into a tiny pod helped soothe him a little more. 

“Can everyone hear me?” Acxa’s voice broke the silence as her voice rang from the com unit in his helmet. The other’s grumbled off various affirmative noises and Keith quickly added his own to the mixture. “Good, begin systems check.” The screens in front of him flickered slightly as various scrolls of text and numbers ran across the screen, Keith scanning the stream carefully to make sure there was no upset in his designated system. 

“Navigation, clear.” Keith reported at the same time as Lotor, their voices overlapping in the coms. 

“Weapons systems online.” Zethrid added in.

“Defense systems online.” Ezor chirped right after.

“All systems are a go, ready for launch.” Acxa reported and another voice from outside of their little team chimed in quickly after. 

“Team you are ready to launch, initiating count down to drop.” The technicians voice crackled slightly as the count down appeared on the screen in front of Keith. He busied himself with clicking various buttons and switches on the control panel, getting the wings ready to activate. 

“Hanger doors open.” The technicians voice sounded just as the hanger doors beneath the robeast opened up, the security locks holding the beast to the ship finally releasing, sending the robeast dropping through the open doors and out into space. 

“Activate wings.” Acxa’s voice in his ear. 

“Wings activated.” Keith answered not a moment later as he finished his prep work. The wings of the robeast fully extending as the vibrant purple filled their center, the energy thrumming just loud enough for the pilots to hear it through their pods. 

“Alright boys, take us out to training field one.” Steadily the robeast began to move, Lotor and Keith taking their time getting the movement and navigations system up and running to speed, careful not to push too hard on the controls, both of them more than aware of just how sensitive their ship can really be. 

In no time they were easily gliding into the training field, several battleships that had been stripped and decommissioned awaited them there. The old battleships now served on as target practice, androids helming them and anything useful already removed and recycled into newer models. The ships mainly sat still, but every now and then there would be one that still had the engines working in it and that was when the fun began. 

“Ah, Acxa, we got a sprinter on the left.” Zethrid’s lazy voice drifted through the coms, taking Keith’s eyes over to where she had indicated. Sure enough a battlecruiser was ever so slowly crawling it’s way towards them. “Sword or rifle?”

“Oh! Rifle, rifle!!” Ezor trilled happily over the intercom, the robeast’s arm already raising the hand with the blaster and pointing it at it’s incoming target.

“Now, now, ladies.” Lotor purred pleasantly, Keith could tell he was in a chipper mood despite their conversation last night. “Why don’t we play with this one first? What do you say Keith, how about you and me dance?”

“Lord Zarkon prefers we eliminate our target’s with speed and precision, I do not think he would be pleased if we were to take our time.” Keith bluntly stated in reply, he could almost see Lotor rolling his eyes. 

“You really are a robot, aren’t you?” The prince’s voice was lacking that spunk from earlier and Keith couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty.

“But…” Keith started and new instant he’d regret this. “It might be good practice for us with the controls… So… I suppose it couldn’t hurt… Acxa?”

“Give the prince what he wants, I don’t want to have to hear him complain later.” There was a smirk in Acxa’s voice and the indignant noise it drew out of Lotor almost made Keith laugh. Almost. 

“Come on, Keith, we must defend my honor!” Lotor took off far faster than Keith had expected him to, sending him scrambling to the controls for a moment but thankfully he was in control in no time. Both he and Lotor has more than enough time to learn to properly copilot so dancing around the cruiser and dodging it’s futile lasers was hardly enough to break a sweat. 

“Deploy sword.” Acxa said in an almost bored tone. 

“Aw!” Ezor let out a pitiful noise but Keith ignored it in favor of focusing on the heightening speed, he and Lotor hadn’t really had a chance to see how fast the robeast could go but they had decided together to try to reach it every chance they got. Now was no different. 

The robeast glided through space as if crafted by the stars themselves. The battleship could only sit in a single spot as the robeast quite literally danced around it, zipped around and flipping and turning with such ease Keith was almost envious. As Zethrid deployed her sword Lotor and Keith simultaneously decided on a singular route, push the robeast into a lighting streak charge that hardly gave the battleship time to readjust their aim let alone move. 

“Boom!!” Zethrid cried out victoriously as the robeast’s sword slashed effortlessly through the battleship, the remnants exploding into the open space.

“Good work everyone, lets run a few more tests and then call it a day.” Acxa huffed a small laugh at Zethrid’s excessive celebrating but said nothing further. 

For the remainder of their time in the field they worked on their team skills, making sure they could accurately dispatch targets while focusing on the whole of the ship rather than just their positions alone. In the end it was a successful training course all around. Every battleship was destroyed and the robeast hadn’t experienced a single hiccup or taken a single hit in the process. Keith couldn’t help but think about how pleased Zarkon would be about it. He loved days when nothing went wrong. He liked it even better when the team showed just how skilled they were at piloting their robeast. 

—-

“Lord Zarkon wishes to see you.” The druid stood by the door of the training room, Zethrid and Ezor paused in their combative match and for a moment everyone looked at Keith. “All of you.” The druid clarified before vanishing from the doorway, Zethrid’s face pulling into a frown once they were gone. 

“Come on, best we hurry.” Acxa lead the way out, the rest of the team following at a slightly less enthused pace. 

Lotor strode alongside Keith, as he tended to do, their side’s knocking into each other every now and then. Keith really didn’t understand but Lotor seemed to like being close to him more often then not. It didn’t necessarily bother Keith, not in the way it bothered him to have Zarkon or Haggar touching him, but he didn’t see much reason for it. He also didn’t believe it was just Lotor being clumsy, considering it happened too often to be coincidence and Lotor himself walked with the heir of complete control. It left Keith wondering but he never asked. 

“Come here.” Zarkon’s voice greeted them as soon as they made their way into the throne room, the team coming to a stop just before the steps to his throne, each of them giving the curled-fist salute over their chests and bowing low. “Keith.”

Keith could feel Lotor stiffen beside him as his father addressed him. Keith remained in his place though, knowing better than to move without permission. 

“Come here.” The ring lit up green and before he could really consider the command his feet where moving up the steps and directly to Zarkon’s feet where he took up the same position as he had the last time he’d been with the emperor. “Sit.” It was a common command, one that had very specific instructions attached to them. Keith moved out of his kneeling position in front of Zarkon and instead sat down completely at Zarkon’s feet, leaning himself against Zarkon’s leg the way the emperor liked him to. “Good.” Zarkon’s hand came down and pressed against the back of his neck, forcing him to lay his cheek on the emperor’s thigh, he did not protest the move however. 

For a moment it was completely silent in the throne room. Keith was acutely aware of his fellow team members watching the display of control, he was also aware of the claws scraping up and down his neck, dipping under the collar of his armor. The ring light flickered a neutral purple, he was used to such displays, he knew better than anyone that Zarkon liked to show other just how much he had broken Keith down. For a moment Keith wonders if he did have the ability to disobey would he even want to. The hand tightening on his neck made his mind up for him. 

“You all did well today.” Zarkon hummed thoughtfully as he hand loosened a little, going back to stroking its way down Keith’s head and neck and back up again. Keith lying prone against the emperor’s leg the entire time, knowing he cannot move until told to do so. “I am most pleased to inform you that due to you high success rate in the training field I will be personally assigning you your very first active mission.”

“Thank you, Emperor.” Acxa quickly said with another bow when it was made apparent Zarkon wanted some kind of response to that. He hummed and dug his nails a little deeper into Keith’s skull, not enough to break the skin but just enough to leave a red welt in it’s stead. 

“You should also know that your team member Narti will be returning to you this evening, her scout training was successful, you should be pleased with her.” Zarkon’s hand was getting heavier and heavier on Keith’s neck, he could also feel Lotor’s heated glare on him.

“Yes, your majesty.” Acxa noted again, still bowing from the first time she had spoken, perhaps she didn't wish to see Keith in such a compromising position. She was odd like that. 

“You are dismissed.” At that the others hesitated a moment, the ring on Keith’s head lit up green again and he moved to get up, however the crushing weight of Zarkon’s hand suddenly and roughly pushed him back into place. “You will stay.” The voice above him growled and the light flickered green again as his body went lax. He could hear the hurried footsteps of his team leaving, he wished more than anything he could go with them. 

He stayed still for a long time, contenting himself with the fact he wouldn’t be returning to his quarters probably anytime soon. Usually when Zarkon kept him from the other’s it was for a long time, probably because he knew how much it made Lotor squirm. The longer he kept Keith the more agitated his son would become. 

“Follow me.” Zarkon stood suddenly, nearly making Keith fall down the stairs but just managing to catch himself and stand. Already following Zarkon before his balance has really had the chance to recover from the sudden movement. “You will be spending the evening with me.” Zarkon supplied simply as he lead the way to the elevator, Keith followed wordlessly, used to this routine. 

They arrived to the familiar room faster than Keith would have liked, at first Keith had thought this was Zarkon’s personal room but it had been made apparent over time that this was just a spare that Zarkon liked to take his company in. The room itself was nice and spacious, filled with plush furniture softer than anything Keith had seen anywhere else on the ship. The walls were decorated with various paintings and trinkets that someone more sophisticated than Keith might actually enjoy. Keith simply ignored it all, focusing instead on the small vanity where Zarkon bade him to sit. 

“It has been too long since we spent time together.” Zarkon’s voice was considerably softer as compared to the tone he used in a public setting. The emperor busied himself with picking over the various bottles and tubes on the vanity table, Keith simply staring at himself in the mirror, his eyes tracking the flickering of the ring on his temple. “Undress.” Keith was standing and already shrugging out of his armor by the time the entire word left Zarkon’s mouth. He stripped until he was left nude, only then did he sit back down, more than used to this routine by now. 

Zarkon picked up a bottle finally, giving it a sniff of confirmation before turning to Keith. This is how they always started their evenings together. Keith would strip down to nothing and Zarkon would take his time in slathering him with various lotions and perfumes. At one point Zarkon had mentioned that he was disgusted by Keith’s human scent and could only tolerate his presence when his natural odor was masked beneath the overbearing scents of the mixtures in the bottles. Keith disliked it but he didn’t dare speak his mind. 

“Go get your towel.” Keith stood again and walked into the adjoining bathroom, taking the white towel off it’s shelf and returning to the main room. “On the couch.” Keith moved to the couch, spreading out the towel before sitting down on it, never directly touching the couch itself, only the towel. Zarkon thought he was disgusting, the only time he was allowed to touch the furniture was when he was at the vanity, but even then he kept relatively to himself. 

“I heard that you performed well today.” Zarkon took a seat on the chair directly across from the couch, folding his hands and taking some sick pleasure in staring Keith’s naked form down as he spoke. It was as if Zarkon could not bear the thought of having a conversation where Keith was not drastically dehumanized and at a disadvantage. “That makes me very pleased with you.”

The light on the side of Keith’s head flicked to green and Zarkon smiled, slowly the emperor reached under the table between them and withdrew a tray of assorted sweets he kept stashed there for these sort of events. 

“Accept your reward.” Zarkon stood, moving around the table and plucking a small sugary cube off the top, Keith’s mouth open and waiting as Zarkon push the cube into his mouth. As Keith accepted the treat Zarkon’s fingers took the opportunity to push into Keith’s mouth, resting on his tongue as the sugary treat melted and he swallowed. “Look at me.” Keith’s eyes flicked up and swallowed hard around Zarkon’s fingers. He didn’t miss the way Zarkon’s face twisted with some sort of pleasure at the sight of it. 

Zarkon suddenly shoved his fingers further into Keith’s mouth, causing him to choke as those long nails dug into the back of his throat. He could taste the blood on his tongue as soon as the nails broke the thin skin. Above him Zarkon tsked and quickly withdrew his fingers, grimacing at the blood on them. “Get dressed and get out, I tired of your company.” Keith was still choking on his own blood as he stood and wobbled over to the vanity, hurriedly tugging on his armor, leaving several pieces improperly secured and dangling sloppily on his form in his rush to leave. 

“And Keith.” Zarkon’s voice stopped him just as he reached the door, still coughing and choking on the blood in his throat as he looked back at him. “You will not discuss with anyone what happened tonight, as always.” The light on Keith’s temple flashes green and then he is gone, holding his hand to his mouth to try and keep the blood spilling from his lips from dripping to the floor. 

—-

On his way back to his quarters he wonders if he should stop somewhere and try to clean himself up a little, at least try to stop the bleeding in his throat. But he quickly strikes the plan once he comes up empty on where exactly he would go to for such a thing. The only medical facility he knows of is Haggar’s Lab and he would much rather face his team like this than submit himself to the witch. She would probably delight in his pain and make the bleeding even worse. 

By the time Keith has made it to his quarters he’s happy to notice that most of the team are in bed, Ezor and Zethrid are sound asleep, the vague shape of a returned Narti also seemed to be sleeping. Lotor and Acxa are the only ones to notice his hurried entrance. 

“Keith you-“ Lotor springs from his bed, going to Keith only to be quickly pushed aside as Keith hurried towards the bathroom. His mouth has filled with blood on his walk back to his quarters and he rather not add to whats already spilled onto the front of his armor. 

“Keith!” Acxa is up as soon as she sees the state he’s in, following closely behind him as he all but crashes into one of the sinks on the wall, blood splashing against the cold metal as soon as he’s opened his mouth. “What happened?” Acxa hovers over his right shoulder and Lotor is quickly on his left, the prince’s hands grabbing at his face regardless of the blood and spit Keith continues to hack up into the sink. 

“Father has cut his tongue out!” Lotor’s voice is more panicked then Keith’s ever heard it, Keith tries to speak to alleviate his fears but all he can muster is a pained gurgle. Luckily Acxa is there to be the level headed one of the bunch. 

“No he hasn’t, his tongue is fine, now quit grabbing him and go get him a change of clothes.” Acxa fights Lotor off of him and thankfully sends him away. She quickly pulls him back and bids him to open his mouth which he does without fail. For a moment she sees to be looking for the problem but once she finds it her face deepens with a scowl that could wither an apple. “Stay here, try not to swallow anymore than you have, it’ll make you sick.” 

Acxa leaves him there just as Lotor returns with the clothes. Thankfully, Lotor seems much more calm and collected than he was before, his initial shock and panic having faded into a calm concern. Keith leans into the gentle touches now that they aren’t so frantic and rough, Lotor begins tentatively peeling off his armor, his movements gaining confidence when Keith makes no move to stop him. 

“Ugh.. You stink…” Lotor’s nose scrunches up as he gets the armor off, the offense scent of the various lotions Zarkon had slathered him in now at full power without the armor to shield it. Keith’s glad to know it’s just Zarkon who thinks his natural scent is so offensive. He’s also glad to know he’s not the only one with a distaste for the artificial scents. “Come on, lets get this washed off.”

Keith lets Lotor guide him into the shower, figuring the prince will leave once he’s under the spray of the water but instead finding himself being bathed by him. He chalks it up to Lotor’s residual fear making him act a little over protective and just lets it happen, the fact that Lotor doesn’t outright stare at his naked form also helping him remain calm through out the cleaning. Almost as soon as the shower cuts off Acxa has returned bearing a bottle of medicine she most likely conned off the druid down the hall that supposedly owes her a favor. Keith feels bad for making her cash out that favor for something as insignificant as himself. 

“Here, drink it all, it’ll help stop the bleeding.” Acxa hands him the bottle and he downs the bitter medicine, noting how the coppery taste of his mouth seems to disappear almost as soon as he’s drank it. “It might be best if you refrain from speaking for a while, just until it heals up completely. I don’t know if I can get another bottle if the wounds were to reopen.”

Keith simply nods, almost opening his mouth to say something but stopping himself at the last moment. Turning away from Acxa as she begins to leave, instead facing Lotor who stands waiting to help him get into his sleep clothes. Once again finding the help odd but at the same time not really disliking the gentle attention either. 

“Lets get you to bed.” To his surprise Lotor doesn’t try to ask him about what happened. Usually when Keith gets back from an evening with Zarkon Lotor is practically crawling down his throat to find out what happened. Maybe Lotor’s finally figured out that he’s usually bound to silence on those matters, or maybe he knows better than to try and goad Keith into talking when it would only bring him pain to do so. 

Lotor presses a firm had to his back, guiding him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. There he finds that all the fuss has awoken two of his once sleeping companions. Zethrid frowns as she sees him but doesn’t ask, Ezor looks like she wants to ask but ultimately doesn’t. Narti is still fast asleep, no doubt exhausted after her scout training. Acxa has crawled back into her own bed, resuming her earlier activity of reading whatever report was sent to her. Lotor pushes him gently, making him realize he had stopped to take everyone in. He quickly makes his way back to his bed, sliding under the covers and pulling them up to his chin. Beside him, Lotor slides into his own bed and mirror’s Keith’s position, laying so that he can look at Keith. No doubt watching as the ring on his temple flashes between colors until finally settling on purple as Keith slips into a dreamless sleep. 

Keith is awoken an hour or so before his usual rising time but a terrible pain in the back of his throat. The stinging itch chokes him and nearly makes him gag but he presses a hand tightly against his mouth to keep himself from waking the others. Across from him Lotor is still facing him, his eyes closed and his breathing even in a deep slumber. The other’s also appear to be still sleeping so Keith decides to do his best to keep quiet, not wanting to disturb the others anymore than he has already. Keith squeezes his eyes shut and does his best not to cough, knowing it will only worsen the pain. 

One painful hour passes and finally the lights in the room flicker on, indicating the start of the day. Acxa is the first to stir, sitting up in bed and regarding the others before she gets up and heads into the bathroom. The sound of the shower running lets him know that his facade of sleeping worked at least for now. Ezor is the next to wake, she’s too bubbly and exited even in the morning to notice him silently withering beneath his blankets. Narti is the one who finally notices him, her keen hearing causing her to stop as he moves to pass his bed and head for the bathroom. He’s trying to suppress a cough when he feels the edge of his mattress dip, a thick tail sliding to lay beside his legs, letting him know exactly who’s come to check on him. 

“Mm… Narti?” Lotor grumbles sleepily from his bed, which surprises Keith since the other usually takes any opportunity he can to sleep in a little longer. Theres a sudden shifting of sheets and before he knows it Lotor has yanked the covers off of him, revealing his pitiful form. For once he’s actually glad Narti is blind and cannot see his shame. Lotor, however, does not have that same gift. 

“Keith…” Surprisingly enough his voice is soft as he kneels by the bed, taking in the no doubt unsightly appearance of his suffering friend. “Is it your throat?” Keith can only offer a nod, the ring light on his temple burns a steady red, an indication of his less than fit state. “Does it hurt?” Keith nods again and this time he can’t suppress the cough that rips into his throat and leaves him gagging from the intense fire in his throat. “We’ll have to take him to Haggar at this rate.” Zethrid’s tired voice has joined them and Keith looks up at him to be met with the pitying gaze. He quickly shakes his head at the idea of going anywhere near Haggar.

“We can’t, she's likely to cut off his head and call it a cure.” Lotor frown deeply and Keith is eternally grateful to have him there. “But perhaps we can acquire a poultice to soothe the pain.” He nods more to himself as he stands, quickly turning and getting his armor on, not even bothering to tie his hair up as he leaves the room in a hurry, promising a speedy return over his shoulder. 

Keith can only wait for his return. Ezor and Acxa eventually coming to check on him, Zethrid thankfully filling them in before heading off for her own shower with Narti close behind. Ezor soothingly rubs Keith’s back through the worst of the coughing, Acxa visibly cringing from her place by her bed each time he starts hacking. At one point he is reduced to tears, something that has not marred his face since his early days on the ship. The sudden shock of emotion that runs through him as the tears slip down his cheeks accompanied by something he had almost blocked from memory. 

A strange warmth trickles into his mind, comforting and worrying all at the same time. He vaguely remembers this warmth from long ago when he had first awakened in his cell. He still can’t place where the warmth comes from or how exactly it manages to feel so alive but he allows himself to sink head first into it’s welcome embrace. He thinks he might be sleeping but when Lotor enters the sound of the door closing jolts him back into reality and away from the comforting glow in his mind. 

“Here, I managed to convince one of the druids.” Lotor sits on the side of his bed, Ezor helping him to sit up some as Lotor guides the bottle to his lips. The medicine is thick but soothing against his throat, he wishes to drink it all but Lotor stops him after he’s finished half of it. “You should save the rest for tomorrow, just in case.” Keith has no choice but to agree as Lotor shuffles the bottle into a storage bin under his bed. 

For the rest of the day Keith suffers through, the poultice had certainly alleviated most of his pains but it did nothing to quell the itching or the coughing that would send his pain skyrocketed. It not only made his daily schedule difficult but everyone else’s as well. Once they had finished their physical training they were meant to meet with Zarkon and his commanders to discuss their upcoming mission. Keith knew it would be impossible for him to show any sign of illness or injury during such a meeting, it could cost them the mission should Zarkon deem them unfit to fight. For the sake of his team he must endure his suffering. 

The meeting goes well for the most part, to everyone’s surprise. Thankfully no one expects him or the majority of his team to really speak. Acxa is the only one addressed directly or even expected to answer any questions as she is the head of the robeast and by right has the authority over the rest of the team. Keith sits at the large table of generals, sandwiched in between Ezor and Lotor, both of whom are trying very hard to fight their wondering eyes. He keeps catching Ezor grabbing this hand under the table each time he tenses and fights down the urge to cough, at one point he thinks she might actually break his hand with how hard she squeezes as his eyes water from the unbearable itching. However, luckily enough for all of them the meeting is kept fairly short. To his surprise and grate relief Zarkon does not bid him to stay as he exits with the rest of his team. As soon as they are confined to the safety of their quarters he coughs to the point of growing lightheaded. 

As the night goes on the poultice begins to wane the true pain begins, he tries to quite himself for the other’s sake but ends up whimpering through most of the night. At one point Lotor leaves his own bed and crawls into Keith’s, pulling him close and rubbing his hands up and down his back. He can see Lotor struggling not to reach for the poultice part of him wishes he’d just give it to him but the other part knowing he’ll need to for tomorrow. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep up the appearance he needs to with this sort of pain to deal with. 

At some point Lotor manages to fall asleep, wrapped warmly around Keith like a protective shell. Keith on the other hand remains awake and writhing, Lotor’s gentle care helps but not nearly as much as he needs it to. After suffering another hour or so Keith’s mind begins to drift. This pain is not unlike the pain he would suffer on the druid’s table, his body shivering and his mind painfully aware. For the first time since he managed to successfully stay out of the druid’s hands his mind wanders back to the faces he can quite recall. 

A warmth fills him up nearly to the top and he can hear a voice that only reaches him in the faintest of dreams. Its a man, he knows that much, but he cannot see him he can only hear him. His voice is lilting with a funny little accent and for some reason the color orange flutters behind his eyelids. This man is warmth itself, caring and gentle, Keith feels so at peace as the man murmurs on. His words are lost to Keith but the feeling behind them are just as clear as the day he heard them. 

The day he heard them.

Keith’s eyes open and he’s back in his room with the others, his breathing is a little sharp as his eyes focus on Lotor’s sleeping back. Lotor must have moved and woken him up. Was he even dreaming? It had felt much more real than a dream… Almost like a memory… But that would be impossible. According to Haggar the central command had been the only place he’d known, it is where he was born, he remembered her telling him this several times over, almost like she was trying to drill it into his brain. 

But the orange man had seemed too real to be a dream. Perhaps they had met in another life. Ezor was also carrying on about reincarnation about how she could sometimes tap into her past lives. Keith didn’t put much stock in those fanciful words, believing that it’s more so a way for her to cope than an actuality. But with the strange non-memories floating through his mind he can’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe her words held some truth. Perhaps he was seeing memories from his previous life. 

Keith closed his eyes after a few moments to calm himself, letting his mind go still and quiet as he focused on the steady breathing of Lotor. The sound of the other’s breathing ever so slowly lulling him into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * like idk if you guys could tell but im literally ripping off everyone with this fic, basically the pods from Neon Genesis Evangelion is my inspo for the pods im talking about. 
> 
> As far as the robeast they pilot goes like I really almost just had them piloting a white lion (since in the canon show it kinda seems like thats what Lotor is building with the comet lol) but then I honestly never really liked the animal shaped robots, so basically this robeast is just like a combo of Evangelion, Gundam and Code Geass bc I love me a giant humanoid mech lol. Sorry if I disappointed you by cutting the lion but blegh there are already enough lions in the show for everyone. And voltron will eventually make a stunning appearance so no worries~ You'll get ur kitty fix. 
> 
> Also thanks a lot to everyone who wrote a comment, comments are literally my number one motivator when it comes to writing. Like even if you're being critical of my work I really prefer that over silence. So thanks so much to my commenters!!


	3. Ceremony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!! This chapter contains scenes of attempted and committed rape! This whole chapter is just pretty disturbing hence the Explicit rating!! I tried to keep the scenes sort of vague but they still may be upsetting!! So please just don't read if it really upsets/offends you in any way. The last thing I wanna do is cause someone real emotional distress!!

The days seem to drag on and on, the itching burn in the back of his throat persists only able to find release in the small sips of the poultice Lotor had acquired for him that first painful day. After his seemingly endless night of pain the other’s thought it might be best to ration the remainder of the poultice, seeing as how there was no telling exactly when the wounds at the back of his throat would properly heal. And the last thing they wanted was for Keith to suffer as greatly as he had during the night when the poultice had fully waned.

 

It was difficult but thankfully Zarkon hadn’t thrown any obstacles in their way. As a matter of fact, the supreme leader had ordered them on leave from their robeast training and most other duties around the central command until a new feature of the robeast was complete and fully operational. As such, their mission had also been put on hold until this mystery construction was finished. The only thing left for the team to actually do was complete their daily physical training and lounge about their barracks, something that Keith was extremely grateful for.

 

“It still looks fairly irritated but for the most part healed.” He closed his mouth once Acxa turned off the flashlight she’d been using to peer at the wound at the back of his throat. Ove the course of the last few days the coughing had thankfully begun to subside and allow for actual healing to occur. Needless to say, he was not exactly comfortable, but an achy throat was far better than what he had already been through.

 

“Here’s hoping Lord Zarkon doesn’t do anything else to try and sabotage this mission…” Ezor grumbled from her bed where she was currently pretending to pay attention to the tablet in her hands. Her own quiet grumblings did not seem to go over well with Lotor, not in the least.

 

“Do not speak his name!” The shrill sound of shattering glass accompanied the venomous voice of Prince Lotor, in his bloody hand the remnants of the glass he’d been holding only moments earlier. His narrowed gaze landed on Ezor who only pouted at the outrageous display of anger. Ever since Keith had returned that night in such a state as he was Lotor had been seething, keeping his thoughts mostly to himself as he had so tenderly cared for his teammate. But it hadn’t been lost on Keith, or any of them really, the way Lotor grew more and more hostile by the day.

 

Lotor’s anger towards his father was always a constant fixture, much like an ocean where Lotor’s rage towards the emperor mirrored the same movements of a tide, endlessly rising and falling. It did not take much for Zarkon to tip the fragile balance within his son, more often than not doing so intentionally, just to cause the prince to lash out so he had a proper excuse to punish him. Keith hated when Lotor got like this, increasingly aggravated as the days progressed, it felt like he was caught in the middle of two volcanos waiting for one of them to explode first. It was usually Lotor.

 

“Lotor, you need to calm down, I understand your anger, but you cannot act on it.” Acxa was glaring at Lotor from beside Keith, resting a gentle hand on the second pilot’s shoulder as she ruthlessly stared down the first. “Our mission is _tomorrow_ , to act out now would compromise all of us, is that what you want?” At this Lotor seemed to lose some of his anger, sobering a little as he absently began to brush the glass out of his hand and let it fall to the bed.

 

“No… That’s not what I want…”

 

“Then act like it.” Acxa pulled on the final piece of her armor, taking a steadying breath before he headed out of the door, off to yet another pre-mission briefing that were apparently for her ears only.

 

Keith stayed where he was for a long moment before finally turning and heading into the bathroom where he retrieved a damp cloth. Coming out of the bathroom he saw Ezor helping Lotor to clean the glass off of his bed, he didn’t miss the way Lotor’s face seemed to flush with shame as he quickly whispered a small apology to her for yelling earlier. At that Ezor just smiled and took the remnants of the glass to the proper bin to be disposed of, it was as she was walking away that Keith filled her place on the edge of the bed. Lotor did not hesitate as he readily offered his damaged hand to Keith.

 

“You are lucky the glass did not cut deeper.” Keith gently whipped the blood from Lotor’s hand, looking over the thin scratches, the small loop flickering to yellow as it voiced his concern and discontent with Lotor’s behavior. “If you were to sustain serious injury to either of your hands you would be unable to fly.”

 

“I know.” Lotor’s voice was small but Keith could hear the slight edge to his words. “But you cannot expect me to sit idly by as my father does as he pleases with you!” Lotor’s voice was hushed, as if the others could not hear him anyway, they both knew the room was too small and their ears were too keen for that. But at least they pretended not to eavesdrop on the private conversation.

 

“But it is his right.” Keith did not look at Lotor, only continuing to clean his hand until that very hand snapped up and firmly grasped Keith’s wrist, forcing the other to stop and actually look up to meet Lotor’s eyes.

 

Lotor was looking at him with such an intense look that for a moment Keith vaguely wondered if Lotor was actually about to strike him. The prince had never done such a thing before, outside of the training room at least, but the sheer intensity and fury that burned in those eyes made him wonder if this would be the first.

 

“You are a living being, just because they have forced you to act like a machine does not mean you are one.” Lotor’s grip loosened slightly and that intense expression gave way to something much softer and almost heartbreaking. “It’s not right, it isn’t fair that you have to live this way, without free will.”

 

Keith was quiet for a long moment then, staring at Lotor and taking in his desperate words that sounded more like a plea. As if Keith could suddenly realize what he already knew as fact. Keith knew it was wrong what they had done to him. He knew that it was absolutely horrific that they had taken literally everything from him, from his memories to his autonomy and even his will and pride as a living being. He knew all of these things, but he couldn’t feel any of them. Lotor’s words might as well have fallen on deaf ears, Keith could register them, and he could rationalize them, but he’d never really be able to gain anything from them. Not when he wasn’t unhappy about the fact that he was unable to tell Zarkon no. Not when he couldn’t feel the same disgust the other’s felt at the way his pride was stripped. Not when feeling shame and loss and hurt wasn’t in his programming, to him these were just facts, nothing more.

 

“But that is the way things are.” Lotor’s face fell completely at this, Keith wondered if he might see the Prince cry for the first time ever. His chest ached at the expression and he knew he should be feeling guilty, but he couldn’t. He could only pretend to, really. “I’m sorry.”

 

Hollow words, and Lotor knew it.

 

That night Zarkon called on him for the first time in nearly two weeks. Keith had been expecting it, he figured the supreme leader would not let him go out on such an important occasion without first properly sending him off. Keith figured he’d probably be staying with Zarkon for the entire night as it was such an important celebration to be had, no doubt.

 

As the druid lead him from the room Keith locked eyes with Lotor, who fixed him with such a scalding glare Keith couldn’t rightly tell if it was because he was once again envious of his father’s favor or outraged that Zarkon would call on him again after what happened last time. Either way Keith had an unsettling feeling about the look, the small circle flashed red then yellow and Lotor fixed him with a look that might have sent a chill up his spine if he was capable of that level of fear anymore. Keith continued to watch Lotor until the door slid shut behind him. That look never once left his eyes.

 

-

 

The room that Lord Zarkon brought him to was different this time. Instead of the customary lounge area with the vanity he was now faced with a more traditional bedroom suite. Keith still highly doubted this was Zarkon’s actual room as the room itself seemed almost too light for the supreme leader’s tastes. Keith always imagined Zarkon’s personal chambers to be dark and drawn with hardly any decoration or light. This room was not only well lit but also well decorated with some of the artwork looking similar to the ones he’d seen hanging in the lounge room. If he had to guess he supposed this room was merely an extension of the lounge, perhaps a guest bedroom of sorts.

 

“Keith, I have been eagerly awaiting this day.” Lord Zarkon was not in his usual attire of maroon armor, he was instead outfitted in a more stripped-down version it, heavy leather and dark fabrics. It looked like it was meant to be a more casual outfit but somehow it looked just as hot and uncomfortable as the armor had to be. “Come.”

 

Keith’s body lurched forward immediately, only coming to a stop as Zarkon now stood before him just at the foot of the massive, canopy style bed. Strangely enough Keith nearly felt a shiver up his spine, something felt wrong on an increasingly worrying level. This growing unease was only worsened as Zarkon’s calloused hand reached to caress his waist, even through his armor Keith could feel the bite of Zarkon’s powerful claws.

 

“There were many times before now that I wished to have you…” Zarkon’s voice growled out as he leaned ever closer, his menacing fangs grazing the shell of Keith’s ear as he stood perfectly still. “But I suppose I have always been one for… Ceremony.” The emperor’s claws trailed up from Keith’s side and reached for the clasps of the armor near his neck. “I think now, as you stand on the precipice of your purpose… Yes, now is a perfect time for ceremony.”

 

The armor clasps noisily clacked as Lord Zarkon unhinged them, allowing the armor to fall piece by piece to the floor until Keith was left only in the under suit. The little circle at his temple had flared bright yellow for quite a while now, his distress only seemed to please Zarkon more as the powerful leader took his time in undressing his uncomfortable companion. A clawed finger dragged the zipper of the body suit ever so slowly down his back. Very soon he was standing naked before Zarkon, something that he was not at all unused to, but this time was definitely different than previous instances. The look in Zarkon’s eye seemed to make a frightening amount of sense to him now.

 

The circle burned red as his back was pressed into the bed.

 

Unable to resist.

 

Zarkon followed him down.

 

He should be resisting.

 

Zarkon was heavy on top of him, was he going to suffocate?

 

He hoped he did, God, let him die before this goes any further.

 

Zarkon’s breath in his ear. Talons on his skin.

 

Not this. This would truly break him. Anyone. Anyone. _Help_.

 

“-ou can’t go in there!!” Muffled shouts from the hall shortly followed by several heavy thuds and then the door to the room hissing as it allowed entrance to someone.

 

“K-keith!” Lotor’s voice was shaking and paper thin, Keith could see the prince standing at the entrance to the room, his face drained of blood and slack with horror as he took in the sight before him. For the first time in a while Keith thought he felt something akin to shame.

 

“Lotor.” Zarkon heaved a heavy growl that sent a chill right through Keith. “My greatest mistake.” Much to Keith’s relief the emperor lifted himself off of him, allow Keith to finally exhale the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “You are lucky, you have caught me in a particularly good mood.” Zarkon turned fully to face his son and Keith have to give Lotor credit for not wilting under the look his father was likely giving him. “Turn and go, and I will forget this transgression you have committed.”

 

“I-I- I have committed?!” Lotor’s previous look of horror was now one of full blown fury, he reached for the sword at his hip and drew it without the hesitance in which he should have. “I knew you were not of sound mind, Father, but this is-! This is an unforgivable sin!” He lifted his sword and pointed it directly at his father. Keith knew Lotor far too well, he could see the underlying fear creeping into his expression.

 

“Keith.” The young man in question stilled immediately as his name was called, waiting for the command that was undoubtedly coming next. “Go and stand in the corner.” With ease he rolled off the bed and stood in the far corner of the room, facing out so he could properly see the scene unfolding. From where he stood he could now clearly see the seething look on Zarkon’s face, the look that must have caused Lotor’s own expression to falter as it had.

 

“I-I will not let you continue this, Father.” Lotor stuttered over his words, something Keith had never heard him do before. Zarkon sneered at this, taking a step forward as Lotor tried to stand his ground despite his shaking stance.

 

“You will not _let_ me?” Zarkon’s laugh boomed through the room, causing both Lotor and Keith to jump at the sudden and unfamiliar sound. The Supremes’ mood immediately darkened however and somehow he seemed to grow even larger than he already was, towering over his own son as he began to quickly close the gap between them. “You will not let me do what?!” To both Keith and Lotor’s surprise and horror Zarkon grabbed the blade of Lotor’s sword with his bare hand, completely unfazed as the sharp metal bit into his palm and blood drizzled down his arm. “You are a coward Lotor! Look at you! Quivering before me!” Zarkon wrenched the blade out of Lotor’s grasp and tossed it aside, before Lotor could move the emperor was upon him, grasping a fist full of his hair with the same bloodied hand he’d used to grab the sword, staining Lotor’s white hair red.

 

“Agh!!” Lotor gritted his teeth as his father violently wrenched his head to the side, forcing his son to his knees before him.

 

“Do not confuse yourself, Mongrel.” Zarkon’s voice was as dark as his face, standing tall and unyielding above his son. “You are just as much a plaything to me as that husk in the corner, I keep you alive because it _pleases_ me to do so.” He reached his other hand down and twisted Lotor’s arm till the white-haired prince screamed with agony. “However, I find myself less enthused with you by the minuet.” Zarkon gave another vicious yank of Lotor’s arm and a resounding _pop_ sounded from said limb as well as another scream from the prince.

 

“P-please!” It was not like Lotor to beg, but Keith could not blame him for it now. Keith shut his eyes tightly, turning his head away, not wishing to see his friend being tormented any longer.

 

At his son’s feeble begging Zarkon let out another bout of loud laughter, he released the dislocated arm in favor of freeing his fist so that he may silence his son’s pleading with a heavy fist to his nose. Keith turned himself to face into the corner then, wishing he could block out the heavy thuds of a fist connecting with flesh and bone as well as the choking sounds of Lotor no doubt drowning in his own blood as his father ruthlessly beat him. The beating seemed to go on for a lifetime before the horrid sounds finally stopped, the only sounds now being Zarkon’s heavy breathing and Lotor’s pitiful gurgling.

 

“Keith.” Zarkon’s voice held a different tone to it now, something malicious and truly evil. “Look at him, Keith.” Keith turned in an instant, his eyes glued to Lotor’s bloodied and fallen form.

 

Blood was caked in Lotor’s once snow-white hair, now sullied just as the rest of him was. His face was already beginning to bruise, his nose clearly broken as a rivulet of blood spilled down from his nostrils and onto his mouth and chin. There were several cuts and abrasions on his face, even a few on the visible parts of his neck above his armor where Zarkon’s fist must have missed his face and hit there instead. It was hard to look at. It was hard to watch Lotor tremble on the ground, completely removed from the pedestal he tended to act like he sat upon. Now he was just a squabbling half-breed, dying at the feet of the great Emperor Zarkon.

 

“Do not look away from this, Keith.” Zarkon reached down, picking Lotor up by his hair once again. Lotor gave a pitiful groan, his uninjured arm coming up so his hand could claw at Zarkon’s hold on him. “I want you to watch as I show this _mongrel_ what his purpose is.” A throaty growl left Zarkon’s throat as he hoisted his jelly-limbed son up onto the bed. Keith wanted to look away. “This is all you are meant for!” Zarkon turned Lotor onto his stomach, the young prince giving a small cry of protest, his world garbled and lost as he once again begs his father to stop. “This is your place, Lotor, I suggest you remember it well.”

 

The circle on Keith’s temple burned red.

 

Lotor writhed as his armor was wrenched off of his beaten body, thick sobs and guttural screams ripped from his throat.

 

Keith wanted to look away, he didn’t want to watch this, anything but this.

 

Zarkon pressed down against Lotor, who tried in vain to escape.

 

There was no escaping this.

 

Lotor screamed.

 

Keith wanted to scream.

 

Lotor wouldn’t stop screaming.

 

Keith couldn’t stop watching.

 

How long could this go on?

 

How long could Lotor scream?

 

Forever.

 

Forever. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW this fic went 0 to 100 real quick. But I'm not surprised since I've come to terms with the fact im a tried and true sadist, i live off angst and torment so = u = ;;;; 
> 
> Also huge apology for disappearing for over a month!! The holiday break was a fucking NIGHTMARE!! I had a big family ordeal then my laptop had a meltdown and I had to deal with that as well as school starting back. So with all that being said, I'm sorry for fucking off the face of the earth for a good bit but I'm back now! And just as a tentative schedule I'll say I'll try to update this fic at least every 2 week to maybe even once a month. School is usually very stressful for me and I have a lot of ups and down so its a tentative schedule. But I'm not abandoning this fic!! 
> 
> Lmao and sorry for all the pain I caused ahaha, hope I have readers left after this.
> 
> Get ready for some fluff next chapter bc boy howdy does that sound pretty darn good.


	4. Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boop hayo all, i wasn't gonna post this chapter till a later date but i kinda just decided to put it up today anyway since it's sort of just like a filler chap? Lmao sorry. It just felt right to kinda drag out the suspension a little bit more before doing an aftermath chapter (which will be the next chapter). So heres some Narti view point for you!

Narti had been blind and mute from the time of her birth but she’d never once considered it a disadvantage. Her hearing was more than enough to aid her in navigating everyday life and then some. Not to mention her psionic ability to control others just with a touch of her hand, that certainly didn’t hinder her in anyway either. Really, the only inconvenience she took into account when it came to her existence was the fact of her heritage. From a very young age, just like all galran half-breeds, she understood what it meant to be hated. To be spat at and harassed just because her mother and father were of two different species. To be perfectly honest, the taunting never yielded much reaction from her, both externally and internally. Most were too afraid of her to throw any real stones her way.

 

But it seemed even her heritage didn’t matter much in the long run, not once she was introduced to Zarkon’s elite team. Who, oddly enough, seemed to be made up exclusively of half-breeds much like herself. She noted immediately how odd a thing that was, that the emperor himself would have his most skilled team be fully made up of the things most Galra liked to despise the most, the emperor himself including among that number. But as always, she kept those observations to herself, as did the rest of her teammates.

 

It had been fairly awkward between the six of them at first, but then, in the real beginning there had only been five. Acxa and Lotor were the first, then came Zethrid who was closely followed by Ezor and then Narti herself. They had lived rather civilly with each other but there was no true friendship or even teamwork between them, not until their final member had stumbled in. Narti could still remember the day she’d first smelled the sweet scent of a half-blooded human. The first time she heard that mechanical voice, it managed to unnerve even her. The first time she’d tried to tap into him, she couldn’t. That utter lack of all emotion and feeling frightened her like nothing had before.

 

Keith had certainly been an odd one (He still was, even by her terms), but with understanding, came a feeling of pity that overrode the feeling of fear she’d first had upon meeting him. The others had all collectively held their breath when he was first introduced to them. Narti could smell the thick scent of antiseptic and old blood on him, he smelled metallic and _wrong._ But she still didn’t protest when he took the bed between herself and Lotor.

 

Before their sorrowful teammate had arrived, they’d been hardly sociable at best. But the moment he appeared in their lives, it was as if they all silently agreed on growing closer together as they surrounded this pitiful creature that had been gifted to them by the witch. Narti supposed it was mostly due to the fact Keith had been completely incapable of taking care of himself in the beginning. His words were slurred, and every so often, he would sway as he trailed along with the rest of the group. She’d always keep her tail close to him, so she could catch him if he fell, which he was prone to do back in those days. She remembered the scent of warm treats from the mess hall as Lotor hand-fed the confused and almost infant-like creature.

 

Despite his obvious envy of Keith, Lotor had taken to him quite quickly as compared to the rest of them. Something about Keith’s docile and pliant, needy nature made Lotor draw closer to him like a moth to flame. Which was highly unusual considering the fact that Lotor was not a very open person, he typically hid his true intention behind a sharp wit and cockiness but Keith somehow managed to bring out a soft, genuine side of him. Narti could still remember the first time she heard the sound of Lotor dragging the brush through Keith’s hair, such a simple thing, but something Lotor never did for any of the others, and certainly something not with his personal hair brush. Keith was special to Lotor from the very beginning, but Narti could not tell if Lotor’s interests in Keith were as innocent as he made them out to be.

 

It had taken many, many months but with kindness and patience they had managed to nurture their newest teammate into something more resembling a living creature rather than a mindless machine. Even now, after all these years together, Keith was still evolving and growing before them. It seemed that with each day he regained some small inkling of the emotions he once had. Narti could smell the emotions on him now, they were particularly strong that evening, when the druid came for him.

 

\--

 

Narti sat on her bed as usual, getting ready for the day’s end and listening to the others milling about the barracks, playfully bickering before bed to ease the tension that had arisen between them earlier that day. She could hear the distinct sound of Lotor dragging the brush through Keith’s hair, the sound of Acxa’s finger’s tapping away at her tablet, Ezor already snoring softly in her bed, and Zethrid laughing jovially at something Lotor must have said. It was a good night, a current of electricity ran through them all with the new mission right before their grasp. Finally, they would be seeing true combat in the robeast for the first time tomorrow, they were all buzzing with excitement.

 

Until the druid came for Keith. The mood dampened immediately and even Narti felt herself shift with underlying discomfort as she listened to Keith leave Lotor’s bed and move to follow the druid. That was when she caught it. The scent of emotion.

 

Lotor’s outpour of silent rage nearly drowned Keith’s scent completely. Lotor always felt so strongly so quickly, it sometimes gave her a headache to be near to him, his aggressive pheromones would fill the air without much warning or build up. She supposed it was just in his nature to be so volatile, but it made it hard to pick out Keith, the scent she was truly keen on. She could smell the apprehension in him, a familiar smell whenever Zarkon called on him, but this time a new scent had joined it, the sick scent of fear.

 

It caught her truly off guard to smell such a thing on Keith, she had to recheck herself and make sure it wasn’t coming from one of the others. It was the first time she’d scented that emotion on him, especially that much of it. She couldn’t help but feel a great unease settle over her as the door to the barracks slid shut, indicating Keith’s departure.

 

It was only a few moments later that she heard Lotor’s bed squeak as he got up, his scent was stronger as he stormed his way towards the door. Narti stood just as Acxa did but it was Zethrid who reached the Prince first.

 

“Don’t do this, Lotor.” A sharp inhale and the sound of leather being squeezed, Zethrid must have grabbed Lotor to keep him from leaving. Narti moved closer until she was just behind them, she could almost feel the anger vibrating off Lotor.

 

“Do not stand in my way.” Lotor growled darkly as he stepped out of Zethrid’s grasp, bumping his back into Narti, seeming to make him realize just how cornered he was right now. This did nothing to soothe his agitated mood. “How dare you try and stop me from rescuing our _friend._ ” His tone was vicious but Narti was unaffected by it.

 

It wasn’t that she was unaware of the things Zarkon likely did to Keith in their time alone, she had noticed Keith’s growing discomfort with being touched and undressing in front of the others, even though he himself didn’t seem to realize it. She could smell it on him, the sweat of worry as he peeled away his armor. She could hear the small uptick in his heartbeat whenever she entered the showers at the same time as him. Although he never outwardly reacted, or really even seemed to realize exactly what he was doing, she could tell that whatever Zarkon had been doing to him was starting to have an effect on him.

 

She did not like the thought of it, liked even less the fact she could do nothing but let Keith go to the emperor each time he beckoned, but she knew better. She had experienced more of the world then Lotor, so she could not allow herself to linger on some fanciful rescue plans. She knew better than to think of that. She only wished Lotor would also realize his attempts were futile and that they would always be futile, especially with a creature like Zarkon opposing them all.

 

“Lotor if you do this there’s no telling what Zarkon will do to you.” Acxa was there now, her voice was stern but tired, giving away just how exhausted she was not only from the countless days of mission prep but no doubt also from trying to keep everyone -especially Lotor- in constant check. “We need you Lotor, we cannot fly with only one pilot.”

 

“Keith _needs me!”_ Narti took a step back, Lotor’s shrill tone ringing in her ears. “He needs _all_ of us and yet _I_ am the only one willing to try and help him!” His voice was growing desperate now. “It’s not right! He doesn’t deserve to be treated like some toy, he is a living being, he at least deserves for us to _try_ and save him.”

 

“Lotor…” Ezor must have awoken amidst all the shouting, her voice was thick with sleep, but her words range clear. “Keith doesn’t even realize what’s happening to him… They took that from him and maybe… Maybe that’s a good thing, at least for right now. He can’t feel whatever Zarkon does to him, he doesn’t have to live with it for the rest of his life because he can’t feel _anything._ ” Her voice was solemn but Narti couldn’t help but agree with the bitter truth of her words. “I know it sounds harsh but… He’ll be fine… The only thing we can do for him is ensure this mission, the only way things will ever get better for any of us is if we work hard and move up. Then maybe… maybe we’ll be able to help him, but right now, there’s nothing we can do.”

 

They were all silent for a moment after that. Narti could hear the ragged breathing of Lotor as he barely contained his outrage. She was waiting for him to burst once again but to her surprise he did nothing of the sort. His breathing and his heart both sounded loudly in her ears, but his voice never joined the two.

 

“Lotor- “Footsteps moving away as Acxa tried one last time to stop him.

 

“I need to be alone.” Lotor’s voice was sharp and quiet and none stood to stop him now as the door to the barracks hissed open.

 

“Just don’t do anything stupid.” Zethrid growled out just as the door closed.

 

The others released heavy sighs before moving back to their respective beds. Narti stayed where she was, listening to the sounds of Lotor’s fading footsteps. The unease from earlier was back and it was viciously clawing up her insides. She wondered if perhaps she should follow, she knew that she’d be able to, she was a master of stealth and not even Lotor himself could possibly detect her. But she didn’t. To track a target and to stalk a friend were two very different things with a clear line separating them. Narti didn’t want to cross that line, not now and not ever.

 

She would soon come to regret that decision.

 

Neither Lotor nor Keith returned that night. Narti laid awake in her cot listening to the sound sleeping of Zethrid and Ezor, Acxa was lying awake just like she was. The both of them lying in total silence, straining their ears to try and pick up the sound of at least one of their teammates returning. But the night was silent and long and held no relief for either of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my beta reader Velloria!! I know you guess will probably miss my countless little mistakes but~ We'll be better off for it i think ehehehe.
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter~!
> 
> Next chapter will be up either late this week or early next week!


	5. Silent Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all~! I swear I meant to add this chapter later in the week but once again I'm impatient for the #reviews and also I wanted to give everyone a nice little Valentines Day gift <3 So here you go!!

The circle at his temple hadn’t flickered once from its vibrant red hue, not even when Zarkon had finished, long after Lotor’s voice had given out as well as his will. He lay quiet on the bed, unmoving as Zarkon took his time in straightening his own robes and making himself as presentable as ever. He held no remorse, Keith did not need a deep understanding of emotions to know that Zarkon held absolutely no remorse for what he had done.

 

Keith remained motionless in the corner long after Zarkon had departed, on his way out giving Keith the freedom to move and do as he wished, breaking his earlier command to stand and watch. Even with this new freedom Keith couldn’t bring himself to hardly move. Logically he knew he should go to Lotor and help him in whatever way he could but there was some strange tightness in his chest that kept his feet glued to his place and his eyes on the motionless form of the ruined prince.

 

It was as if his body was feeling the emotion he knew he should be experiencing at such a horrible time as this, but his mind just couldn’t compute it. On some level he knew he should be outraged, disgusted, or maybe heartbroken for his friend but he just… Couldn’t. With the immediate threat now passed his body was relaxing and his mind now willingly settling back into its usual state of nothingness. There was always something extremely reassuring about the fact he was unable to feel in great times of duress, it allowed him to keep a clear head, allowed him to see exactly what needed to be done.

 

With quiet movements Keith finally left the corner, he first went to the pile of his armor on the floor by the bed, silently pulling on the under suit and zipping it all the way up. He left the rest of his armor where it was, there was no point in weighing himself down with it at this point. He moved towards the bed then, and with deft hands he began to gather up the various pieces of Lotor’s armor that had been so viciously torn from his body.

 

So viciously torn away.

 

Torn away.

 

Leaving him bare and vulnerable.

 

Vulnerable and _humiliated_.

 

Keith set the armor down into one of the chairs in the room, arranging it neatly and leaving the under suit folded on top of the pile. He paused, closing his eyes against the onslaught of images still fresh in his mind. He tried his best to push them away, knowing that dwelling on such things would only serve to distract him. With a firm shake of his head the circle glowed purple and he was back, once again moving to the bed.

 

Lotor’s tangled and bloodied hair surrounded his downturned face like an ugly halo. His body was stretched out on the bed, completely bare and with fresh wounds and bruises littering his soft lavender skin. There was blood on the bed. Splattering across those lithe fingers that had spent many days and nights caring for him. Blood on his back and shoulders that once looked strong enough to carry the world. It was smeared on his hips where filthy hands had grasped and left ugly prints in their wake. Caked onto thighs that had never known such brutality and never should have. It pooled in between legs that were never meant to be spread against their will. Lotor was never meant to be covered in this much of his own blood.

 

The circle was red and as it burned Keith could almost feel it burning a hole in the side of his head. It hurt. His head. His chest. His eyes. They all hurt and screamed but he couldn’t understand why. As he looked down at Lotor, the man who had cared for him so tenderly who had become one of his dearest friends and allies, everything felt suddenly excruciating. Lotor did not deserve this. He was cocky and brash and often spoke when they all knew he shouldn’t have but he didn’t deserve this. He was strong and stubborn and wasn’t very good at taking orders but that didn’t mean he deserve to be brutalized like this. He was manipulative if given the chance to be and he was often convinced he was naturally better than all others due to his name sake but even that didn’t warrant this kind of abuse. With all of his flaws Lotor never deserved any of this. It should have been Keith.

 

It should have been him laying on that bed, his eyes open but unseeing as Lotor pushed the hair out of his face. It should have been him with eyes so swollen from crying he could hardly see out of them. It should have been him so completely broken that any remnants of his past self and personality were now gone. Replaced with this unseeing, unmoving shell of a body. It should have been him.

 

But it wasn’t.

 

It was Lotor who lay on the bed, his eyes open but unseeing as Keith gently moved the hair out of his bloody and swollen face. His eyes were swollen and painful looking but somehow tears still managed to leak from them, slow and rolling tracks through the blood before soaking into the bedsheets. He didn’t so much as blink when Keith gently rolled him over onto his back, he hardly breathed as Keith pulled the soiled bedsheets out from under him and used them to whip away the blood between his legs. He didn’t even flinch when Keith ran a hand gently over his face, forcibly closing his eyes so they could no longer stare blankly up at the canopy of the bed.

 

Lotor did not move and he did not speak. Keith didn’t try to get him to do either of those things, instead remaining quiet as he busied himself in trying to at least clean Lotor in whatever way he could. He retrieved a warm, damp cloth from the bathroom as well as a bowl of water, he set both on the bedside table as he sat beside Lotor on the bed and for a moment just pressed his hand against a battered cheek. He stayed like that for a long moment, unsure why he felt the need to, but in some small way it felt right. To take a break, not for his own sake but for Lotor’s. Even though the other did not react that didn’t mean he could not feel everything that was being done to him.

 

Keith lifted the warm cloth and began to gently wash the blood from Lotor’s skin, dipping the cloth into the bowl of water when it was needed. He kept his movements slow and gentle, beginning his work on Lotor’s upper half rather than facing the more serious half first. It took him what felt like hours with how slowly he was working, but he did not mind it. He watched Lotor closely as he worked, watching for any sign of a reaction. All he got was the reflexive twitch of an eyebrow as he moved the cloth over a cut or a particularly ugly bruise. Even as he parted Lotor’s stiff legs there was no reaction, only silence and stillness.

 

By the time he had finished the bowl of water was completely red as was the washcloth he had used. He went to dump the water out and retrieve a fresh bowl as well as some soap and a clean washcloth to try and clean the muck from Lotor’s hair. As he returned there was a quiet knock on the door. For the first time Lotor reacted, his eyes remained closed and his mouth tightly shut, but his body flinched, and Keith found himself pressing a soft hand to his cheek, a quiet hum leaving his mouth as he tried to soothe him in any way he could.

 

After a long moment Keith finally moved away from Lotor and went to the door, opening it only part of the way, as to keep Lotor hidden from whomever was outside. It was a druid, holding a small metal box and offering it to Keith to take, which he did.

 

“This should help.” The druid spoke quietly, and Keith found himself wondering exactly who had come to the door. The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t quiet place it. “Tell no one I was here.”

 

The circle on his temple alighted green.

 

The druid was gone before he even properly closed the door.

 

Keith made his way back to the bed, setting down the little box as he opened it, revealing a small treasure trove of first aid supplies. Not very much but enough to at least ease Lotor’s suffering. He removed a small bottle with golden liquid, a poultice for pain, he sat on the edge of the bed and gently lifted Lotor’s head up, pressing the bottle to his lips.

 

“Drink and the pain will subside.” He spoke softly when Lotor’s mouth did not open, he waited patiently until finally the prince parted his lips and allowed Keith to slowly feed him the medicine. By the time the bottle was empty Lotor’s eyes were open and he was looking at Keith. “I’m going to wash your hair now.”

 

Lotor did not reply and Keith didn’t expect him to, he quietly set about dipping the fresh washcloth in the soapy water in the bowl and then gently taking Lotor’s hair and beginning to try and scrub the blood from it. The process was difficult without being able to actually submerge Lotor’s hair, but he managed it well enough. Lotor’s hair was still tangled in the end but at least the pink hue of blood was no longer staining it’s pristine white. Throughout the process Lotor’s exhausted eyes remained open, staring blankly up into nothingness once again.

 

“I will dress your wounds.” Keith sat on the edge of the bed with the small box in his lap. He moved from cut to cut applying antiseptic and bandages where they were needed. When it came time to push Lotor’s broken nose back into place the prince had only offered a small noise of pain but nothing more, once again laying still and silent as Keith gently applied more medicine into the bruising skin. By the time Keith had finally finished Lotor was still quiet and unresponsive but the tears had returned to his eyes, silently slipping down his cheeks just as they had done so earlier. 

 

“You should rest now.” Keith closed the box when he does, setting it aside as he made to stand.

 

A hand flashed out and stopped him, trembling fingers gripping his wrist with what strength they had left. Keith looked down at Lotor’s hand before looking at him, the prince did not look at him as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. Lotor did not ask him to stay but Keith could understand the silent plea no less.

 

Keith sat back down on the bed, eventually moving to lay on his side beside Lotor, watching the tears as they escaped his eyes. Part of him was waiting for Lotor to roll over and look at him, to wriggle closer and want to be held by him as he tended to do in the barracks. Slipping into his bed in the dead of night and pressing warmly against his back, just wanting to be close to someone, to be held by someone. But that never happened. Lotor remained as he was, staring into the dark folds at the top of the canopy and lying perfectly still on the bed. Keith made no move to get closer to him or to touch him again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was A LOT longer but I decided to chop it up just bc it seemed to flow better as it's own chapter. But I can def say the next chapter is way longer! The longest I've written so far! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who comments! Comments are my literal life blood, like even if you hated it and wanna rant lmao I love it, I feed off that shit. 
> 
> Till next time~!
> 
> Also in case anyone noticed the spaces in between the paragraphs getting much larger- It's kinda annoying but like it takes so long to go through and respace it all so I'm just leaving it like that lol = u = ;; sorry if anyone really hates that.


	6. Light Behind Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is dedicated to mephisto_finn, to commemorate our inspiring and touching, lost emo love.
> 
> (lmao i think critikal commented on my fic)

Morning came far too quickly for the both of them.

 

The first thing Keith noticed once he had finally awoken from his restless sleep was that Lotor had not changed in the slightest since the night before. If anything, the prince looked even worse. The bruising to his face and neck had deepened into a sickening swirl of black, Lotor’s nose was the worst of it, swollen and nearly turned completely black from the break but thankfully it did not look as though it had bled during the night. The rest of the prince’s body was just as pitiful, bruised and battered, Keith looked away quickly as his eyes caught sight of the blackened hand shaped bruises that bracketed Lotor’s hips.

 

“Today is our first mission.” Keith monotonously reported the fact as if it would have any effect on Lotor who looked like he hadn’t slept at all, his eyes still open and glued to the top of the bed’s canopy top. “I know how excited you were for today.” Keith continued to talk, at this point he was more talking to himself, but filling the silence was better than stewing in it. “I’ll help you with your armor.” Keith moved to roll out of the bed but once again he felt a hand on his arm to stop him. Obediently, Keith stopped where he was, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking back at Lotor who did not return his gaze.

 

“A bath…” Lotor’s voice was softer than a whisper, his words crackling and rough as they struggled to escape his undoubtedly sore throat.

 

The awful sound of Lotor’s usually melodic voice brought back the distinct memory of his screams. His never-ending screams, only coming to an end when Lotor’s voice gave out altogether, but even then, his face had been contorted as if he were still making the haunting sound. Keith had been able to see that much from where he had stood, so perfectly still, in the corner of the room. 

 

“Of course, I’ll prepare one for you.” Keith stood without any further prompting, Lotor’s hand sliding off his arm and hitting the bed like dead weight. Keith quickly busied himself in the small in suite bathroom, filling the metallic tub with warm water as well as digging out various soaps and other bathing items from the small storage compartments built into the walls of the functional bathroom.

 

By the time Keith had turned off the water and stood to go and collect the prince Lotor had made his own way to the bathroom. He stood in the doorway, his eyes blank and downcast as Keith stared at him from where he stood beside the tub. For the first time, Lotor looked impossibly fragile, like he might fall at any given moment. His legs were shaking, and Keith could make out the small rivulet of fresh blood that was creeping its way down the inside of Lotor’s thigh. It was then that Keith moved to help his friend, his hands outstretched and ready to support him, but his advances were harshly denied.

 

“Don’t!” Lotor’s hushed voice sounded loud in the small bathroom, his entire body cringed away from Keith who had gone completely still at the adverse reaction. Once Keith made no further move to touch him Lotor relaxed slightly, his eyes staying glued to the floor as he finally pushed himself off of the wall he’d been using to support the majority of his weight.

 

All Keith could do was watch as Lotor limped to the bathtub, his movements sluggish and jerky, a far cry from his usual long strides full of confidence and finesse. It was a painful thing to watch, Lotor grunting with pain as he eased himself into the warm waters, the shame that flitted across his face every time the pain alighted anew and reminded him of exactly what was causing it. It was painful, but Keith knew that to try and help Lotor now, to try and touch him again, would only make things worse. The last thing he wanted to do was make Lotor suffer any more than he already was.

 

“I will prepare your ar-“Keith started as he turned away, but for the third time in the span of 24 hours, Lotor once again stopped him. But instead of a weak hand gripping desperately onto his arm, it was that ragged voice that held not even a single vestige of the life it once had.

 

“Don’t leave me.” Keith stopped in his tracks at that pitiful and hollow voice, glancing over his shoulder he noticed that once again Lotor wasn’t looking at him just staring listlessly into the now pink-tinged water. “Don’t leave me.” The prince repeated, and Keith finally turned back to face the door, but he didn’t make another move to leave.

 

“Okay.” Keith’s reply was just as soft.

 

Keith stood like a silent guardian as Lotor painstakingly scrubbed himself raw, his lavender skin taking on a red and angry hue as he angrily dragged his nails across it. Keith lost count of how many times Lotor had washed himself, digging the soap into his skin till the frothy white bubbles turned red. It was like a vicious cycle, he would hear Lotor grunt and pant as he scrubbed himself raw and then he would hear the hollow sound of his sobs as he broke down completely, washing away the blood and tears before repeating his washing cycle all over again. It must have taken a full hour before Lotor seemed to finally tire of this painful process, water splashing nosily as Lotor made a less than graceful exit from the tub.

 

“Don’t…” Keith stopped himself as he nearly turned around to look at Lotor, going completely still once again at the prince’s soft plea. “Don’t look at me.” Keith bowed his head and stared at the ground, listening as he heard Lotor haphazardly tearing apart the storage compartments, digging things out and throwing them to the floor. The distinctive sound of scissors snipping through hair is what finally brought him to turn around.

 

Lotor was hunched over the small metal sink, glaring into the mirror on the wall, a long lock of white hair lay in the sink. Soon, a second, then a third lock of snowy hair joined the growing pile in the sink as Lotor aggressively pulled at his long hair, stretching it out only to saw it off with the pair of scissors he must have found in one of the compartments. Keith wasn’t sure what to make of the emotional display, for as long as he had remembered Lotor had cherished his beautiful hair. The prince had nearly slaved to keep his hair in pristine and sleek condition, spending nearly a full hour each night on pampering and fawning over it. But now, Lotor looked as if he hated it more than anything else in the world.

 

Ugly tears flooded out of Lotor’s eyes, his breathing ragged and heavy as he continued to hack off his hair, piece after piece until there was hardly anything left to cut. Lotor’s once magnificent hair now laid in a heap in the sink and on the floor around his feet, all that was left of it was a choppy mess that hardly touched his ears. Lotor was still looking at himself in the mirror, but all the rage was now gone, only sorrow and anguish remained.

 

“Lotor…” Keith finally moved as Lotor hung his head and sobbed. He reached the prince just as his legs seemed to give out, crumpling to the floor with a great heaving sob. “Lotor…” Keith kneeled down beside Lotor, his hands shook with the effort to keep from reaching out and touching the other. He watched as Lotor pressed himself against the wall, curling into himself as he sobbed for all he was worth. “I’m sorry, Lotor. I’m sorry.”

 

Keith let his hands ball themselves into fists, hanging his head as he could do nothing else but listen to Lotor’s despair.

 

-

 

They were the first to arrive to the robeast’s docking bay, Keith could practically feel the some of the tension rolling off of Lotor’s shoulder’s once they both realized that none of the other generals, or much of the staff for that matter, had arrived at the hanger yet. Lotor was still tense, however, he’d been wound tight like a coil ever sense Keith had helped him into his armor that morning. Getting Lotor into his armor had been a great feat in and of itself, one that Keith had thought to be near impossible.

 

Lotor had started shaking just as soon as Keith had managed to coax him to stand by the bed as he retrieved his armor. The shaking had only gotten worse as Keith had pulled the tight material of the under suit up Lotor’s legs, by the time he’d actually gotten the thing on and fully zipped up Lotor had begun to pant. Putting the actual armor pieces on only made things worse. Which each piece of armor Lotor panted heavier, his entire body flinched as each piece was snapped into place. At first Keith couldn’t understand why Lotor was reacting in such a way to something he’d done countless times over, Lotor had worn that armor nearly every day for the past two years so Keith couldn’t understand why he’d be having such an adverse reaction to it. For a moment Keith considered that maybe the feeling of having something so constricting on his skin was causing him the discomfort but then, almost as an afterthought, Keith finally understood.

 

_The armor being ripped away from his body._

The last time Lotor had worn this armor, it had failed so miserably in protecting him. Wearing the armor must have been yet another painful reminder of his father’s monstrous cruelty. Once again Keith found himself utterly unable to do anything except watch as Lotor struggled to breath under the weight of his own armor. Lotor didn’t manage to actually calm his breathing until Keith had sat him down in a chair, thankfully distracting him from the tight, uncomfortableness of his by way of trimming his hair into something a little tamer than the hack job Lotor himself had done earlier. 

 

By the time Lotor was able to finally leave that dreaded room his breathing had evened out and his hair was neatly trimmed and slicked back with water. Keith thought that at least having a presentable hairstyle would help Lotor keep his head up as they made their way to the hanger, but unfortunately there was nothing he could do to cover the brutality done to his face. It was early enough on the command ship that many workers and soldiers had yet to rise, but the few that did pass them on their way didn’t even try to hide their morbid stares. Lotor kept his head ducked down and his eyes locked on the floor. For the first time in a long while Keith felt a spark of something hot in his chest as he met the eyes of every onlooker with a heated glare and a blinking red circle on his temple.

 

Keith was glad that hardly anyone had arrived at the hanger before them, he wasn’t sure if Lotor could handle all the eyes on him, staring and judging him. He couldn’t even begin to think what would happen if those eyes belonged to the rest of their teammates. But luckily for the both of them he didn’t have to find out.

 

The few workers that were there seemed too consumed in their own work to really notice the duo as they made their way to the platform that would lift them up to the loading dock. Nevertheless, Lotor kept his head down, nearly tucking his chin against his armor in the process of trying to hide from everyone. It was a strange thing to witness, the benevolent prince Lotor ducking his head and hiding away from onlookers. Lotor had always been one to welcome the attention, but now he seemed terrified of it.

 

The platform came to a halt and to Keith’s irritation, and Lotor’s mortification, there was a worker standing there looking as though they had been anticipating their arrival. The worker didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary at first, his eyes clearly preoccupied with staring at the light show Keith’s loop was giving as he rapid cycled through various stages of upset and critical thinking. It wasn’t until Keith was urging Lotor to move off of the platform and over to the rack that held each team member’s helmet on it that the worker finally seemed to realize the prince was not himself.

 

“Zarkon’s breath-!” The curse slipped from the workers mouth just as Keith was pushing Lotor’s helmet into his hands, he didn’t miss the way Lotor immediately stiffened at hearing his father’s name.

 

“Please do not curse.” Keith snipped quickly, he felt the heat rising in his chest again and he knew the color of the loop must have changed as the worker’s eyes left Lotor’s battered face and landed directly on the side of Keith’s face as the loop. “It is rude and unseemly.” Keith wanted to curse back at him, but he knew that wasn’t proper, so instead a much kinder and eloquent scolding came out of him.

 

“R-right… Sorry...” The worker quickly looked down at the tablet in their hands, obviously trying to look like they hadn’t seen anything in the first place.

 

Keith let out a soft sigh as he looked back to Lotor, who was still completely frozen, his eyes wide and terrified as he looked at something only he could see. Keith wondered if maybe he was having a flashback of some kind, a horror show of trauma playing across his vision all because of the utterance of _his_ name. Keith made a note never to speak the name again, he would do anything to keep that horrified look off of Lotor’s face.

 

“Keith!” Zethrid’s voice boomed across the hanger, causing Lotor to flinch and Keith to whip his head around towards the sound.

 

From where he stood on the loading dock he could see the girls entering the hanger, all of them now staring directly at him. He opened his mouth to reply but the sharp intake of breath beside him had him turning back to look at Lotor who had finally snapped out of his memories and was now suddenly thrust into reality again. Lotor was looking at him with a scared and desperate expression and Keith understood just what he was afraid of.

 

“They can’t see you from where they’re standing.” Keith quickly supplied, watching only a fraction of the near hysteria leave Lotor’s face at that. “Put your helmet on, quickly.” He instructed as he grabbed his own helmet, shoving it onto his head and quickly pressing the button on the side that would turn the usually clear glass of the visor on the front to a startling pitch black. This special mode of the helmet acted like a one-way mirror, allowing him to see out of the helmet perfectly, but others would be unable to see in.

 

Lotor slipped his own helmet on just as the elevator platform began to lower, the girls already having reached its base. As soon as Lotor had his helmet on Keith reached up and pressed the same button as he had on his own helmet, watching as Lotor’s face disappeared behind the screen of black, only able to see his own reflection in the glass. Lotor was still tense but Keith could see his body relax slightly, a good sign. The platform gave a groan as it began to heave itself upward once again, this time barring new travelers.

 

“Lotor!” This time it was Ezor who was shouting, the chameleon like woman excitedly bounded over to the duo, wrapping her arms tightly around Lotor before Keith could even think to intercept her. “Why didn’t you come back last night?! I know we had a fight, but I swear I didn’t mean any of it!”

 

Beneath her Lotor was stiff as a board, his hands twitching at his sides as he seemed to respond in anyway other than obvious discomfort. Ezor seemed to realize this immediately, thankfully she didn’t say anything about it as she quickly removed herself from Lotor, her hands remaining on his shoulders as she looked at him with concern. Lotor didn’t move and he made no attempt to speak.

 

“Lotor, are you alright?” Acxa spoke up from beside Zethrid, the both of them having stopped as soon as they too had noticed Lotor’s frozen posture. Both her and Zethrid wore similar expressions to Ezor.

 

“Narti is here.” Keith cut through the silence that had ensued Acxa’s question, drawing the girl’s attention to their last member making her way up on the platform which had descended without their knowledge. “Commander Throk is with her.”

 

For the time being the attention is drawn off of Lotor as Narti and Throk arrive at the loading dock, the commander looks almost bored as he approaches the team, his eyes momentarily flitting to Keith and Lotor but quickly looking down at the tablet in his hands instead. Narti takes her place by her team just as the Commander begins his mission briefing.

 

“First order of business, you should all know the Emperor has finally decided on a name for your ship.” Throk looked up at all of them then before looking up at the robeast in question. “Hiraeth.” He gave a dramatic pause to let the name settle itself firmly in all of their minds before clearing his throat and looking back down at his tablet, continuing in a bored tone. “This is a stealth mission meant to test the Hiraeth’s battle ready capabilities in a real-life scenario.” As he spoke he pulled up several pictures onto his tablet and held it up for them all to see. “Thadux is a small rebel base at the very edge of the Hymlian Galaxy. Our reconnaissance agents have reported a guard duty of about twenty, two active fighter pilots, three anti-aircraft lasers located at the north, south and east guards towards of the base. This is a low-risk level mission, you are to eliminate the target as quickly and efficiently as possible then immediately return to base. As this is a stealth mission you are not meant to be seen, do you understand?”

 

The entire team, save Lotor, gave affirmative remarks in response to that. Throk’s eyes lingered on Lotor as if he was thinking of reprimanding him but once again he simply returned his eyes to his tablet and continued with the briefing.

 

“Team member Narti will be joining you on this mission in the Tyst.” Motions towards a smaller ship that is docked off to the side, it’s shape is rectangular and sleek, nearly as thin as a sheet of metal appearing only just thick enough at its center to fit in a pilot. The small ship itself seemingly made of the same material as Hiraeth. “The Tyst is the reason your mission was pushed back, Emperor Zarkon saw it fit that Narti should accompany you in the air in a stealth oriented fighter jet of her own, rather than on the ground.” Lotor tensed up at the name and Keith knew he wasn’t the only one who noticed as Throk’s eyes once again landed on the prince. “The Tyst, when not flying on its own, is able to dock on the back of Hiraeth.” He pulled up another photo, showing the added port on Hiraeth’s back as well as a small video of the Tyst landing squarely just at the nape of the robeast’s back and locking itself into the port securely. “Since the Tyst is so lightweight and small the engineers could only fit a relatively small fuel system in it, it is advised that the Tyst remain ported on Hiraeth until needed for reconnaissance purposes, do you understand?”

 

Just like before the majority of the team gave affirmative remarks, Lotor remained silent however and once again Throk’s eyes narrowed on him. Keith could see the commander steadily losing his patience, his hopes that Throk would simply look away again were quickly dashed as the Commander made a decisive step in Lotor’s direction.

 

“Operative Lotor, do you understand?”

 

 _Operative_ , a low blow even for someone of the likes of Throk.

 

“Prince.” Keith’s monotone voice once again interrupted, drawing Throk’s heated gaze off of Lotor’s frozen form and to him instead. “Prince Lotor is the son of the Emperor, heir to the Galra empire, it is therefore regulatory that all members of the Galra empire refer to him as Prince.” He barely blinked as he looked at Throk, that hot feeling in his chest was back and it threatened to eat him up entirely this time.

 

“ _Prince_ Lotor,” Throk’s voice was mocking at best and absolutely dripping with sarcasm and venom. “Do. You. Understand?” The Commander was back in Lotor’s face again, leering at him with a suspicious eye.

 

Lotor nodded once but said nothing.

 

“You insolent-“Throk started but was almost immediately cut off by the loud screeching of the cranes above, the worker who had been waiting on the loading dock when Keith and Lotor had arrived now standing at the crane’s control panel. “What are you doing?!” The Commander shouted angrily at the worker over the loud noises of machinery.

 

“Sorry, Sir! But we’re on a tight schedule, gotta get the pods ready to load!” The worker gave a somewhat sheepish smile that was obviously not very apologetic at all. Keith narrowed his eyes as he studied the worker, for the first time ever making any real note of him. The worker was usually reserved and never spoke unless prompted, he’d been operating the cranes and working directly with him and his team for the past two years that they’d been together. He was usually a silent hand helping them into their pods and closing them in, but today he was finally making himself known. It was curious, to say the least.

 

Throk let out a growl that was drowned out by all the noises, he looked ready to turn and walk away but paused as he suddenly stepped even closer to Lotor. Keith twitched with the urge to step forward and put himself between the two and by the way the girl tensed up beside him they were also fighting that very same urge. Throk leaned close to Lotor, causing the Prince’s shoulders to draw up in anticipation of being touched, but thankfully nothing of that sort every came. Throk only leaned in close enough to say something to Lotor, something the rest of the team couldn’t hear over the sounds of the cranes, but it was clear that Lotor heard it perfectly. The prince went rigid, enough so that his legs swayed as if he was about to pass out from locking his knees so hard. Narti was the one who stepped forward then, Keith had forgotten she was there, he had also forgotten just how good her hearing really was.

 

“Tch, so much insubordination amongst the half-breeds today.” Throk frowned as Narti all but pushed herself directly between Lotor and Throk, she stood like a silent shield as Throk berated the entire team. “Useless mongrels, the lot of you!” With that the Commander finally stormed his way back to the loading platform, it wasn’t until he was fully out of sight that the team gave a collective sigh of relief.

 

“Lotor.” Acxa’s voice was loud and stern as the cranes finally stopped moving, Lotor still looked frozen in his spot. “Lotor, what did he say to you?” At this Lotor seemed to start suddenly, quickly shaking his head and quickly removing himself from the group, instead heading over to pretend to inspect the newly docked pods.

 

“Keith.” Acxa was looking at him now, her eyebrows were drawn close together as she looked on edge. “I’m only going to phrase this as a question once,” Keith had forgotten that during missions Acxa was granted absolute commands, if she commanded him he would have no choice but to obey. “Do you know what’s wrong with Lotor?”

 

As expected he reminded coolly silent, he had promised Lotor that he would not tell.

 

“Keith.” Acxa squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, looking like she was struggling with herself. “ _Tell me_ if you know what is wrong with Lotor.”

 

The circle alighted green.

 

“Yes, I know what is wrong with Lotor.” The words left his mouth before he could stop them.

 

Lotor had turned to face the group again, his hands shaking by his sides, without the cranes moving their conversation seemed almost deafeningly loud. Even the worker seemed to be tuned into the conversation.

 

“Keith, will you tell me _what_ is wrong with Lotor?” A question he wasn’t compelled to answer, he remained silent once again.

 

_Whispered promises while sitting on the bathroom floor, surrounded by thick locks of white hair so hastily shorn away in anger._

_“Promise me.”_

_“I promise.”_

“Keith, don’t make me command you again.” Acxa was pleading with him, she really didn’t want to do this.

 

_“Promise me you won’t tell anyone what he did to me.”_

_“I promise.”_

_A green flicker of light._

“Keith…” The silence felt suffocating. “ _Tell me_ what is wrong with Lotor.”

 

A green light and his lips were already parting.

 

It was with a horrifying realization that Keith distinctly remembered the absence of the usual command Zarkon gave him at the end of their time together.

 

_“Tell no one what happened here.”_

 

Only Zarkon’s command could override another, and this time, the one time when he wished so desperately for that command, it was not there.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for a bit of a delay in posting this chapter, I got really sick over the weekend and have been like rotting in my bed for the past week so = u = ;; fun stuff. 
> 
> Any way~ thanks to everyone who commented, whether those comments are meant to be malicious or not I don't care, a comment is a comment lol.
> 
> I'll try to have the next chapter up by some point next week/weekend!


	7. Continuation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is late. I've hit that part in the semester where its time to start working on all the big final projects for my classes so I've been busy as well as just stressed the fuck out. This chapter was originally supposed to be much longer but unfortunately I got a bad case of writers block so I decided to cut this chapter in half and just post them as separate chapters in order to buy myself a little more time to finish the second part. 
> 
> This chapter is written in Lotor's perspective and it was also completed before Season 5 aired.

“Keith…”

 

Lotor’s hands were shaking at his sides, his heart thudding in his chest.

 

“ _Tell me_ what is wrong with Lotor.”

 

Lotor didn’t want to be here. More than anything in that moment he ached for everything to just stop, for the world to fall out from under his feet and give way to a blissful darkness that would surround him and keep him hidden from all the raw torment of the world. Maybe in that quiet space he would finally be able to forget the hands of his father as they pressed against every bone in his body, threatening to crush him in one painful movement. Maybe in the unending darkness he’d finally be able to close his eyes and be welcomed by blank space rather than still images of his shame. Maybe he’d finally be able to wipe the image of Keith’s face, blank and emotionless as those cold violet eyes barred holes into him from the corner of the room. He just needed everything to stop.

 

“Lotor-“Keith’s mouth was opened, the little green circle on his temple indicating his inability to deny Acxa an answer.

 

“Don’t.” Lotor’s voice was rough and quiet and it physically hurt him to speak but there was nothing else he could do but beg.

 

_Beg his father to stop._

_Beg for his life, for his innocence, what little of it was left._

 

Now he begged Keith, just as he had begged him ever sense he’d met the odd little half-breed. Begging him to love him in a way that Lotor knew Keith would never be able to comprehend let alone gift to him. He’d begged him to let him hold him, to let him pretend that Keith felt anything other than a cold nothingness for him. He begged him to _feel_ , so maybe Lotor could finally have someone to care for him, to care if he was okay or not. He begged Keith to dote on him, to fawn over him in the same way Lotor had done for him each and every night as he’d lovingly tended to him. He begged, and he begged, and he knew better than to expect anything from Keith, he knew it was wrong to be angry with him for not understanding, for being so utterly unable to give Lotor the only thing he really wanted. True, deep, loving companionship. Even if Keith did not give him the same romantic love that Lotor secretly gave to him, just being close to Keith would be enough. Just to have Keith look at him and finally see him, rather than look at him with the same blank stare that he looked upon everything with.

 

He knew that would never happen. And even as he begged Keith again, this time to keep the whispered, desperate promises that had been made earlier that morning, he knew it was useless.

 

Begging was useless.

 

He should know that better than anyone.

 

“Lotor was-“Keith was struggling to speak, Lotor could see the conflict clearly as the loop alighted yellow on his temple.

 

“ _You promised.”_ His scratchy voice was quieter now, but it was clear that everyone could hear it just as clearly as they could hear the desperation in his voice.

 

“Keith, wait.” Acxa’s voice cut in just as Keith made a third attempt to obey, at that Keith visibly relaxed and Lotor could see the conflicted emotions flit across Acxa’s face at the reaction. She’d always been such a kind person, she hated seeing Keith forced to do anything he clearly was against, to be the one now inflicting that distress on him couldn’t have been anything short of painful for her.

 

They were all looking at him then, as if waiting for him to speak and explain. But he couldn’t. His mouth was dry, and his lips felt like they had been cemented together right along with his teeth and jaw. He couldn’t help himself as he stood there and shook, his teammates keen eyes digging into his each and every move and starting to pick him apart piece by piece.

 

_The rough hands of his father were on him then, tearing off his armor piece by piece._

Lotor was shivering then, his eyes shut tightly behind the shielded visor of his helmet, his breathing was starting to pick up. He didn’t want this.

 

_Loud growling in his ears, his hips forcibly held into place as a leg pushed his thighs apart._

“-tor, you need to tell us what happened.” When had they all gotten so close? Keith was the only one still standing back, watching the situation with those cold and calculating eyes.

 

_“Beg for it, Lotor.”_

“I won’t.” The words left his mouth before he could catch them, he was breathless, the under suit of his armor clung grossly to his clammy skin.

 

“Don’t you trust us?” Ezor made a truly pitiful expression.

 

Lotor opened his mouth but no sound came out, black dots speckled his vision and for a moment he wondered if the world was finally falling out from under him.

 

Keith was suddenly beside him, nudging him with a small hand pressed in the center of his back. Lotor wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there but once he finally came back to himself all of the others had dispersed from around him, maybe the conversation hadn’t even really happened. He knew he wasn’t of sound mind but to already be slipping so far down into madness as to invent an entire scenario in his head that felt so real…

 

Luckily that wasn’t the case, as Keith nudged him a little more firmly his body finally began to respond as he looked around the loading dock. It was then he realized that the girls had simply moved off and were now loading into their pods (save Narti who was being lifted by a separate elevator to access the Tyst). Lotor could feel his shoulders releasing some of the built up tension as he finally lurched forward, allowing the firm hand on his back to guide him to his own pod. He felt light and fuzzy, it wasn’t a very good feeling as he stumbled his way into his pod, having to haphazardly fend off helping hands of workers that must have arrived during his little blackout moment.

 

“Don’t touch me!” His voice cracked as he angrily shoved off the unwanted hands of a worker, his breathing once again picking up as he hurriedly pushed himself into the pilot’s seat. Only allowing himself to relax once the pod’s door was firmly sealed and he felt the familiar tilt as the crane lifted his pod to be loaded into the Hiraeth.  Lotor’s hand wrapped tightly around the control sticks in his pod, it was the only way he could get his hands to stop shaking.

 

“Initiating systems check.” Acxa’s voice crackled through his helmet as the pod was locked into place, all the lights and screens within the pod finally alighting and giving Lotor a clear visual of the outside world once again.

 

Lotor remained silent as the other’s listed off and reported their systems status checks along with all of the usual chatter that came naturally now after so many months of practice with the Hiraeth. Thankfully, Keith was there to ramble off their part of the usual checks and balances which kept the other’s from prompting the usually chatty Lotor to do so. Honestly Lotor didn’t know if he’d ever be able to go back to how he was before.

 

He had been cocky and brash and sometimes even a tad bit rude, it had all been a part of the mask that he wore day in and day out. He’d worn that same mask for the grand majority of his life, a result of his arduous upbringing. Even as a small child he knew better than to let those around him see him for who he really was. There was a lot of animosity around the petri dish prince, brought into existence only to silence the suspicious rumblings of the empire, even his nannies and personal guard were not above manipulating a small child. They foolishly believed that they could get into the Emperor’s good graces through him.

 

As far as Zarkon was concerned, Lotor was little more than a failed experiment that should have been terminated at its first cry. Lotor still wasn’t sure exactly how he had survived even this long with his father’s oppressive hate constantly weighing on his shoulders. He had heard whispers among the druids that the only reason he remained alive was due to the origin of the other DNA donor, while it was certain the other donor was Altean it wasn’t known exactly who the donor was. Some believed it was just from a long past experiment, back when a few of the Altean’s were still remaining after the fall of Altea, a DNA sample taken and put on a shelf and left until Zarkon saw fit to use it. If that were the case then Lotor was little more than a sort of trophy, a reminder to Zarkon of his glorious victory over the Alteans and how still even now with their race completely destroyed he was able to toy and manipulate them through his son. It was disgusting to think about, but Lotor wasn’t surprised by it.

 

Lotor used to think he was his own person despite his unsightly origin, that one day he’d be able to overcome his father and live a life of freedom and happiness. But now, even that one dream had been ruthlessly crushed beneath his father’s boot. Zarkon had taken everything from him now, his pride, his dignity, his hopes, his dreams, his innocence. Whatever was left of him was withering away and all he could do was sit with the knowledge that he was truly nothing more than a toy for his father to play with when he was bored. Just a worthless little toy.

 

The hangar doors opened, and the locks released, sending Hiraeth plunging out into open space, it’s luminous wings alighting and propelling the whole of the ship forward. Lotor was barely aware at that point, his hands gripped the controls and pressed the necessary buttons, but it was as if his mind wouldn’t let him fully focus on the task at hand. He felt like a backseat driver in his own body, desperately trying to reach for the control panel.

 

“Lotor, Keith, it’s a long way from command central to the rebel outpost.” Acxa’s voice sounded far away in his helmet. “I’m authorizing you to use top-speed.”

 

“Copy.” Keith’s drone like voice.

 

“Copy…” Lotor whispered his reply, blinking harshly and trying to force his consciousness back to the forefront of his mind. “Building speed.” He supplied in the same breath, his shaky hands pushing the controls steadily forward, able to feel Keith nudging his own forward as well. Even without being able to see each other they were able to stay on the same page, after so many flight drills together it was as if they were one pilot instead of two.

 

The stars around them began to blur together the faster they went, the small holographic map in the corner of one of his screen showed the distance between them and the mission objective growing rapidly smaller and smaller. From instead the ship the turbulence was at a minimum, the absolute vacuum of space allowing Hiraeth to cut through the stars like a hot knife through butter. While Keith and Lotor focused on propelling and maneuvering the ship Acxa played her part in keeping a close eye on the radar, ensuring they wouldn’t encounter any asteroid belts at their near warp-speed pace. They weren’t sure if the impressive speed would allow them to push right through obstacles or maybe generate enough energy around the ship to simply obliterate whatever was in their way, or if the objects they faced would simply collide with Hiraeth with devastating force. For now, they decided to play it on the safe side.

 

“Top speed has been reached.” Keith’s voice chimed in just as the space around them fully blurred into one.

 

“Wow~ How fast are we going?” Ezor sounded more excited than she’d been in days.

 

“Too fast.” Zethrid sounded slightly sick and mostly uneasy, Ezor gave a mocking laugh in response which sparked a small bout of banter between them. Lotor mostly tuned it out, his eyes too busy staring into the nothingness of space.

 

“We’re at warp 2.” Keith supplied even though Ezor was clearly not paying attention any longer.

 

“A bit underwhelming,” Acxa’s voice was the one that replied to him. “I would have thought we’d be able to reach warp 3 with how much resources and planning went into building Hiraeth…”

 

“In order to achieve warp 3 the warp drive would need to be more than doubled in size which would exponentially weigh down Hiraeth and affect it’s agility in battle.” Lotor’s eyes were mindlessly trailing along the manuals on his screen, his mind clearing a little as he focused solely on something else for once. “Warp 2 is more than enough for us, even Voltron couldn’t reach this velocity, in the stories it was only capable of warp 1.” Lotor remembered the stories about Voltron from his youth, reading old flight logs hidden deep in his father’s library had been the only thing that brought him any true happiness. Now as he piloted Hiraeth he couldn’t help but wonder if the other-dimensional legend would be a match for their own Galra robeast. It was an amusing thought that tugged a small smile to his bruised lips.

 

“Ah, not Voltron _again!_ ” Whatever spat had surfaced between Ezor and Zethrid had apparently ended as Ezor was now openly complaining. “If I have to listen to _one more_ Voltron story I think I might honestly vomit.” She made a noise for affect as she said that.

 

“I enjoy the Voltron stories.” Keith chimed in, his voice as dead as ever. “Lotor tells them better than anyone else.”

 

“As true as that may be, I’m afraid Voltron will have to wait a bit longer.” Acxa’s voice cut through with that firm edge of a leader, drawing them all back to the task at hand.

 

“We are approaching planet Thadux.” Lotor could feel Keith beginning to pull back on his controls, beginning to slow the ship. “Dropping speed to warp 1.” Keith sounded almost exactly like an AI system, it was a little eerie but Lotor was used to it by now.

 

The controls in the pilot’s pods were connected in a way that allowed each pilot to feel what the other was doing, it helped the pilot’s stay in sync to help stabilize and balance Hiraeth’s movement while also allowing them the ability to think as one and predict each other’s movements and strategies in battle. It had been a hard thing to get used to at first, Keith was too pliant and Lotor had the tendency to want to be the only one in control. Their very first flight together had been nearly disastrous as Lotor yanked the controls as he liked, and Keith struggled to keep up with him, it left Hiraeth spinning in confusion and going nowhere fast. But luckily the two of them had managed to adapt to each other, Lotor learning to give up his control and Keith learning how to take some initiative without having to be ordered to do so. Now as they slowed Hiraeth together it was as if they were true equals, two side of a coin. It was a good feeling. Flying was a good feeling, especially when it demanded so much focus and time.

 

“Dropping speed to leisurely.” Keith reported again as the ship began to finally slow down to the point that the stars were once again specs in the sky rather than white streaks across the screen.

 

“Drop into Thadux’s orbit and we will launch the Tyst.” At Acxa’s request Lotor and Keith maneuvered Hiraeth into the planet’s orbit, maintaining enough thrust and resistance to stabilize in the planet’s relatively weak pull. Even though Hiraeth was more than capable of resisting the planet’s pull the ship as a whole still shuddered until the gravity, it wasn’t a particularly worrisome shudder but both pilots knew it wasn’t a good idea to resist orbital gravity for too long.

 

“We have stabilized.” Lotor’s voice was still hoarse and quiet but it was loud enough with the coms system to be heard clearly.

 

“Good. Narti, do you copy?” A small beep answered Acxa, small beeps had become a way for Narti to communicate with them through the coms link. It had started out primitive with one beep for yes and two for no but over time they’d managed to learn morse-code (a human system of non-verbal communication they had discovered when curiously exploring the human home world, as a way to try and get to know their partly human companion better) and were all more than adept at using that in place, giving Narti much more room to communicate with the rest of the team. “Deploy from Hiraeth and drop into the planet’s gravity, let the gravity drag you into the atmosphere that way if the rebels have radar you’ll appear as nothing more than a small asteroid.”

 

Narti responded with a series of beeps and pauses, a confirmation of her understanding the orders. Hiraeth gave another shudder but this time it was due to the Tyst launching off of its back, from his screens Lotor was able to watch the Tyst fall into orbit, giving a small boost of its thrusters to push itself past the orbital ring and into the field of gravity that would drag it into the planet’s atmosphere.

 

“Fall into the orbital pull.” Lotor and Keith completely shut down the thrusters and Hiraeth began to lazily float along as the planet’s orbit was finally able to drag it along one of its orbital rings. “Standby until Narti has locate and scouted the target.” With that Acxa’s voice cut out and the rest of the team was in relative silence. All was blessedly quiet until Ezor decided to chime in.

 

“Lotor, about earlier,” she began, her voice downtrodden and little guilty.

 

“It’s not important.” Lotor cut in quickly, he didn’t want to speak of it, not now and not ever.

 

“But it is!” Ezor let out an indignant and almost childlike noise, he could imagine the pout on her lips. “Activate visual.” And with that he really could see her pout as a small window with her face appeared on the screen before him, on the screen to the sides of him other windows with the faces of the rest of his team -including Narti- also appeared. There was a way to make it so you could only visual with one person at a time, but Ezor was a firm believer that if one of them needed to talk then all of them should be present for it. It was a good was to team build but in times like these Lotor really wished Ezor would give private conversation a try.

 

“Ezor, we are in the middle of a mission, this isn’t a time for personal confrontation.” Acxa’s voice was as stern as her face, she wasn’t looking directly at the screen meaning she was carefully monitoring something else entirely.

 

“Just-!” Ezor let out an angry huff, her warm breath fogging up her helmet visor for a small moment before quickly disappearing. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Lotor.” She deflated a little at this and Lotor’s eyebrows drew together in confusion, something he knew she could not see as his visor was still totally blacked out. “I’m sorry for asking if you trusted us… I Know you do, and I know I was out of line to say something like that so… I’m sorry…” She paused then, the rest of the team was completely silent. “I know you’ll tell us in your own time, we shouldn’t have pushed you.”

 

Lotor was at a loss of words to this. It was completely unlike Ezor to say something like that, she was usually the one breathing down everyone else’s neck to get them to ‘open up’ and ‘share’ their life with her. He knew she never meant to seem nosy or annoying when she did that, she honestly seemed like a genuinely caring and concerned person, she just had trouble articulating herself in a subtle manner more often than not. It was more than a little heartwarming to see her putting in the effort and realizing her mistake in pushing someone so hard.

 

“Thank you… Ezor.” Lotor gave a small nod, some of the tension leaving him as he felt the immediate threat of his great shame being found out dissipating.

 

“I’m sorry too,” to everyone’s surprise it was Acxa this time, her eyes now focused on the screen. “To both you and Keith… Especially Keith… It’s wrong to force you to do something you clearly don’t want to and I… I’m sorry, I never wanted to do that to you.” She looked completely distressed, Keith seemed completely unchanged.

 

“You are forgiven.” Keith supplied and even though it was hard to tell if he was ever being sincere they all got the feeling that this time he was. Acxa relaxed then, taking a small breath before nodding to herself again.

 

“Alright, back to the mission.” With that they once again fell into silence, Ezor deactivated the visual and there was nothing left to do but stare down at the little orange planet they orbited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one big thing that is evident it was written before Season 5 was Lotor's origins, I decided to keep what I had originally wrote (petri dish prince) because I felt it molded better with the story im currently writing and to delete it and re-write it to be more canon compliant I felt it might take away from my fic. So, sorry if you prefer the canon plot for Lotor's birth/upbringing. 
> 
> Next chapter will also be in Lotor's POV.
> 
> Also as far as all the warp talk goes I just ripped it from the Warp Drive wiki page heres the scale I used when describing the warp speed in this chapter; 
> 
> Accordingly, "warp 1" is equivalent to the speed of light, "warp 2" is 8 times the speed of light, "warp 3" is 27 times the speed of light, etc.


	8. Inability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again in Lotor's POV.
> 
> Also, Narti's conversation is always going to be "italics"  
> Because honestly it's so much easier then writing "she gave out a long string of beeps and then they interpreted it as her wanting to eat lots of cake but not being able to bc bitch dont got a mouth ;/ "

For one single moment everything was quiet. In the quiet patience of space as they orbited Thaxus and awaited further information on the rebel’s location from Narti, Lotor had allowed his eyes to slip closed. He allowed his mind to sink into the steady hum of Hiraeth, into the comforting nothingness that had finally allowed him some small amount of rest. He hadn’t realized just how far he was drifting or for just how long. Completely lost within himself, completely dissociated with the reality currently unfolding all around him. 

 

“Lotor!!” Acxa was screaming at him.

 

Lotor jolted sharply at the angry tinge in his voice, his senses suddenly, violently thrust back into reality as he snapped out of his long daze. The emergency lights in his pod flared an angry red all around him, Hiraeth as a whole seemed to be in an endless spiral of a freefall. When had they entered the planet’s orbit? The hard, rocky surface of the planet they had once been orbiting from thousands of miles above was now all too close as it filled up the screens in front of Lotor. Everything was a dizzying mess of nonsense but still his hands gripped the controls and worked to steady the ship and finally bring it out of it’s sudden fall. 

 

“Dammit, Lotor! What the hell was that?!” Zethrid was livid as a video box appeared on one of his screens, sweat lined her brow and it was more than obvious just how worked up she truly was. For the first time ever, Lotor felt himself cowering away from his friend. 

 

“Keith, systems report, now.” Acxa’s voice cut through Zethrid’s rage like sword through stone, her face had also joined the growing number of video boxes on his screen.

 

“There was no system malfunction.” Keith appeared then, his face as apathetic as ever, but Lotor couldn’t help but notice the flickering yellow light at his temple. “The free fall was caused by the planet’s natural gravity pulling us further into its atmosphere, due to Lotor’s inactivity I was forced to attempt to resist the gravitational force by myself but was unable to stabilize the ship alone.” 

 

Lotor sunk further down in his seat, guilt and shame eating away at him with every passing moment. He could feel their eyes on him, judging him, hating him. 

 

“Lotor,” Acxa’s voice was surprisingly soft, he couldn’t bring himself to look up at her. “What happened?”

 

It was a loaded question and Lotor knew what she was really asking for. But it was too much, too soon and just the thought of opening his mouth made his jaw ache as he clenched it tighter. His helmet felt stifling and he wished more than anything he could take it off and cast it aside but at the same time it was all that shielded him from the truth, from his shame. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, he could do nothing all over again.

 

“We are approaching Narti’s location.” Like a saving grace Keith’s voice was there, pulling him from the thick of his own mess once again. “How shall we approach the target?”

 

The various video boxes on his screens began to disappear as everyone refocused themselves on the immediate task at hand. Lotor also found himself sitting a little straighter as his hands once again tightened on the controls, pulling them to a slow stop just as the rebel base came into view. For a supposedly secret headquarters it was all too easy to spot, he couldn’t help feeling slightly suspicious about the barely concealed base.

 

“This is a trap if I’ve ever seen one.” Ezor’s voice joined his own suspicions.

 

“Who cares, let’s just blow it up and go home, it’s not like they can actually stand a chance against us, ambush or not.” Zethrid still sounded less than pleased but at least her annoyance wasn’t directly aimed at Lotor anymore. 

 

“No way, we should engage the cloak and have a nice little look around before we go and blow everything up.” Ezor chimed defiantly. 

 

“Our cloaking isn’t the same as your own, Ezor.” The head of hiraeth quickly interjected before Ezor and Zethrid could take their banter any further. “Our cloaking as of right now will only last us a minuet at most, it’s best to allow Narti to go in first, the Tyst can cloak for much longer than HIraeth.” Her voice indicated the decision was not exactly up for debate. 

 

Ezor let out a long, suffering sigh but responded with a noise of affirmation nonetheless, the rest of the crew answering with similar sounds with the exception of Lotor.

 

“Narti,” Acxa waited for the customary beep to let her know Narti was listening. “Recon on the base, be expecting a trap.” Another short series of affirmative beeps answered before the Tyst lunged out from it’s previous place behind Hiraeth. Lotor watched as the Tyst rapidly closed distance between itself and the base, waiting until just the lost moment to finally cloak itself. His eyes then traveled to one of his screens which displayed a radar which clearly marked the Tyst’s marked position. 

 

“Perhaps Ezor should ready the rifle, if it is a trap and Narti is the one to trip it she may need cover fire in order to escape before we move on the target.” Keith spoke flatly even as Ezor squealed with excitement, clearly more than happy about the suggestion. 

 

“Alright, Ezor activate the rifle, hold your fire until my say.” Ezor was already excitedly tapping away at her console, Hiraeth moving in one fluid motion to release the long rifle from it’s hidden compartment in the arm. “Enter long range mode.”

 

“Entering long range mode~” Ezor singsonged the order as Keith and Lotor both moved to fulfill their part as well, moving Hiraeth to take a knee which would provide the needed stability for the long range high powered bolts from the rifle. “Long range mode is active and ready to fire on command!”

 

Lotor’s eyes returned to the radar, the tyst was steadily moving through around the base, inspecting it closely. 

 

“ _ The base appears to be abandoned, but there are clear signs of life.”  _ A quick series of clicks and beeps filled the comm channel, after so many years of practice Lotor was quickly able to decipher them as Narti gave her full report.  _ “There are anti-aircraft weaponry on the landing bay and at the towers of the base, they have been badly concealed, they appear to be relatively new.” _

 

“They knew we were coming.” Lotor’s weak voice cracked as he spoke but he paid it little attention. 

 

“Yes, but did they know Hiraeth was coming or did they only suspect a Galra cruiser?” Their leader’s voice hummed over the comm.

 

“Hiraeth is a top-secret project only known amongst the higher officials at command, how could a group of measly rebels even begin anticipate us?” Ezor had a good point but Lotor still felt unsure about it. 

 

_ “A double-agent either way.” _

 

“Narti is correct, regardless of exactly which set of information the rebel’s have acquired, whether they are expecting Hiraeth or a cruiser, it is clear that the information on today’s attack was clearly leaked from within.” Keith’s voice lilted with intrigued, something Lotor hadn’t heard from him in a long time. Even the slightest hint of emotion was exceptionally rare from Keith, and when it did present itself it was as if Keith himself didn’t even realise exactly what he was displaying. 

 

“Narti, drop your cloak.” Lotor’s voice broke across the comm channel again. 

 

“Are you crazy? I mean sure, you’re being all weird today, but have you really lost it? What if it’s a trap?!” Ezor’s exasperated voice was the first to defy him. 

 

“What if it’s not?” He countered, has his voice not been so tired and broken perhaps he would have snapped the words but instead they were soft and skittish. 

 

“There’s only one way to know for sure.” Acxa’s voice was steady where his was not. “Narti, drop the cloak.”

 

_ “Affirmative.”  _

 

“What?! Narti, No-!” Ezor had no time to protest as Narti dropped her cloak.

 

The reaction was nearly immediate. Through the shared video feed from the Tyst Lotor was able to sit and watch as the rebel’s streamed from the base like ants to battle, the meager blankets used to hide their weaponry was cast aside and in seconds the air above the base was alight with heavy shells and the vibrant hues of lasers from the anti-aircraft cannons. Narti was too quick for them however, expertly dodging and weaving through the oncoming attack as she laid down her own fire with what little artillery the tyst had. It did not do much in the way of large scale damage but she did manage to destroy at least one of the canons.

 

“Narti, pull back to Hiraeth.” Lotor’s hands gripped the controls tight enough to turn his knuckles white beneath his gloves, Acxa’s leadership was truly shining as she delivered her orders. “Ezor, lay down cover fire.”

 

“Alright!!” Ezor’s past defiance and nerves were nowhere to be seen as she quickly readied her shot. “Hold her steady, boys!” Lotor and Keith were already on the job as they fortified Hireath’s stance and support in anticipation of the long range shot they’d only ever dabbled with in the practice field. “Firing now.”

 

The whole of Hiraeth jolted with the powerful laser beam of the long rifle, the robeast slid backwards with the power of the blast. Lotor only had a split second to look up at his main screen in order to see the fantastic explosion as the shot made contact with the rebel base. The blast was strong enough to destroy the side of the stone structure and send up a cloud of dust that was more than large enough for Narti to quickly recloak and escape, retreating to Hiraeth and quickly docking the tyst into it rightful place on the robeast’s back. 

 

“Deactivate rifle and activate sword.” Ezor gave out a sad little huff at the order but complied quickly as Zethrid activated the other arm, releasing the impressive longsword from its own compartment. “Activate primary wings.”

 

“Activating primary wings.” Keith droned as both he and Lotor set about the activation. The wings of Hiraeth consisted of two sets of wings, primary and secondary. Primary was meant to be used in close combat on the ground, it would allow Hireath to glide across the ground as well as boost it’s overall ground speed, while the secondary was meant for actual flight and space/air travel. Lotor had always wanted to give the primary wings a go but since they had been restricted to their practice field which was in space they’d never really had the chance.

 

“All systems are go for close range combat.” Zethrid growled over the comm, it felt as if the whole of Hiraeth was buzzing with pent up energy and excitement. 

 

“Engage the target.”

 

Hiraeth took off like a bolt of lightning across the ground, it’s primary wings blazing to life as they propelled the massive robeast towards it’s target at a breakneck speed. It’s sword was poised for a swift strike on the base, the impressive blade thrumming with power at it’s molten core heated to the point of causing the blade itself to glow brightly with it’s impending attack. It took them little time to reach the rebel base, Lotor was only able to catch a flash of the startled, horrified faces on a few of the rebels that scurried around the top of the base before Hiraeth’s mighty sword finally came down and delivered it’s divine justice. 

 

The base exploded into fire and smoke, the heated blade having sliced easily through its stone walls and right into the heart, no doubt tearing through valuable aircraft and other machinery that exploded upon contact with the molten blade. Lotor muted his outside audio feed to spare his ears from the explosions as well as the faint cries that could be heard among the destruction. A sour feeling swelled in his chest and he couldn’t help but feel like this was wrong and if the resounding silence on the team comms were any indication then he had a feeling the rest of his team felt the same in that definitive moment of evil.

 

“Target destroyed.” Keith’s voice finally broke the silence, Hiraeth was now heading away from the base, it’s molten sword beginning the cool down process as both pilots brought the robeast to a standstill.

 

“Negative, there are still signs of life.” Acxa’s voice was cold and matter of fact, for once Lotor was glad he wasn’t in her seat at the head of Hiraeth. As much as it pained them all they knew Zarkon would never accept anything less than total obliteration of the rebels. “Narti, deploy and take out any survivors who managed to run.” Lotor gripped his controls tightly, he was starting to sweat. “Lotor, Keith, turn us around, make ready for a second strike.”

 

He was on autopilot again, his hands moved but his mind was frozen in a horrible torrent of swirling negativity and emotion. His breathing was loud in his ears, panting like he’d just run a marathon instead of pushing two hand controls. His undersuit clung grossly to him and he was once again reminded that this was not the first time today that he’d experienced this horrible feeling in his gut and in his mind. He was starting to wonder just how many times he’d be set back like this, how often would he drift from reality and be locked away in his own silent suffering? How was he supposed to function like this for the rest of his life? When would Zarkon notice, when would he bestow punishment for Lotor’s inability to cope? Bestor punishment for Lotor’s unending display of weakness.

 

“Lotor, I can’t do this without you.” Keith’s voice was loud in his ears, when had he taken his hands off of the controls? When had they come up to firmly grip the sides of his helmet? Why hadn’t Zarkon just killed him and ending this horrible nightmare?

 

“Lotor, please.” He couldn’t breathe, even Keith’s voice refused to break through to him this time.

 

He was spiraling.

 

Down. 

 

Down.

 

Down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okayyyyyyyyy this took way longer than i would have wished for it to but blegh life. I actually had this chapter about halfway written when my old laptop decided it was finally time to destroy itself and wipe its own harddrive to the point of not even being able to startup at all so : ) I had to drop a bunch of money on a new laptop and start from scratch and lost all of my old files....... But I've got a new laptop now so hopefully we wont have anymore computer troubles any time soon. Some more good news is that the semester is almost over so by next month I should hopefully be able to get these out a little more frequently until school starts again in the fall and then idk what my schedule will be like but I'll keep you guys updated!!
> 
> Also sorry for being really inconsistent with replying to comments! I read each and every one of them and love them all I just mostly forget to actually write my feelings down and respond lol. But thank you to everyone who comments! They really make my day and help me to keep motivated to write more, so thanks a whole bunch~
> 
> Next chap. we'll be back in Keith's POV.


	9. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the end of the notes for an important announcement about this fic!!!!

“Lotor!” Keith called out to Lotor for what must have been the thousandth time over the private comm link, once again the only response he got was the eerie sound of Lotor’s stuttering breaths. He’d lost him once again to the torrents of his own mind, he was on his own once again.

 

“Keith, Lotor, why aren’t we moving?” Acxa’s voice was concerned and tinged with impatience and worry, he knew that time was of the essence, there was no way to really tell if the rebel forces would send out a distress signal for backup or retaliate with their own secret weapon in the time it was taking Hiraeth to move in for a second strike. 

 

“Lotor is not responding, initiating single pilot mode.” His fingers were already flying over the various holographic keyboards in front of him even before the words fully left his mouth. While dual pilot mode was the standard and perhaps the recommended mode of flight for Hiraeth in extreme situations a backup had been put into place in the event that one of the pilot’s became compromised. It would allow for only a single pilot to operate the robeast but operating such a large and sensitive machine with only one pilot was easier said than done. He had just barely held onto control when Lotor had blacked out during their descent to Thaxus, at least this time their lives were not so literally on the line. 

 

“Single pilot mode is active, ready to engage target.” The screens in front of him lit up with the affirmative messages, he could feel the excess power thrumming into his pod as all of Hiraeth’s mobility control was now directed to him. 

 

“Engage.” Acxa’s tone hadn’t changed, still just as nervous and cold as it had been before. 

 

Once again Hiraeth lurched forward, it’s movements nowhere near as smooth as they had been on the first strike but nonetheless still steady enough to once again approach the still smoldering rebel base. The molten core of the sword once again heated, thrumming with power as they quickly approached their target. 

 

“Sword is fully charged.” Zethrid’s voice was strange over the intercom, he couldn’t really figure out why but somehow she sounded like she was dreading the blow, it was highly uncharacteristic of her. Keith would have thought she’d enjoy the destruction but instead she sounded almost detached from herself.

 

“Commence strike.”

 

The base alighted with new flames as the sword dealt a devastating blow to the remaining portions of the building. Keith did not even flinch as the explosions filled his audio feed, the dying cries of rebels drowned out by the loud rush of smoke and ash and the pure force of the blow. He was totally unaffected by the destruction he had just caused. 

 

“Do not exit the battlefield.” He pulled Hiraeth to a sharp stop at the command, bringing the robeast to turn and regard the cloud of billowing smoke and debris. “Deploy short range rifle.” The unmistakable sound of the rifle sliding out of it’s compartment. “Fire into the smoke, destroy everything.”

 

Loud rapid fire shots filled his audio feed then, beams of light illuminating the smoke just before crashing into it’s unseen target and causing the smoke to billow higher and higher until even Hiraeth was consumed by the black cloud. The team was silent as Ezor fired upon the remnants of the rebel base, at one point Keith engaged the thrusters just enough to dismiss the smoke. In that moment they could all see what they had done. Nothing but blackened ruins remained, a pile of rubble beaten into the earth, a scorch mark on the planet’s surface. All of the lives within now snuffed out for good, all in the name of their Emperor Zarkon. 

 

“Cease fire.”

 

The rifle disappeared along with the sword. They stood and waited as the rest of the smoke began to dissipate enough to give them clear visuals of the rubble as well as the surrounding area. A green light fanned out over the rubble, Acxa must have been running diagnostics to check for any more signs of life, once the green light flickered out and the Hiraeth system popped up an affirmative signal on their screens for no signs of life the team as a whole seemed to sigh with relief. It was finally over. 

 

“Is it… Supposed to feel like we’ve done something bad?” Ezor’s voice was small and hesitant, she sounded so young.

 

“Our mission prerogative was to destroy all rebels in the base, we have completed our mission with acceptable parameters.” Keith supplied dryly and without thinking. He had that strange feeling in his chest again, he could feel something behind his eyes, but he wasn’t quite sure.

 

“Keith’s right, don’t think too hard on it, Ezor.” Acxa spoke in a firm tone but they could all hear the small tremor behind her words. “Keith, can we make it home on single pilot mode?”

 

For a moment Keith paused, his mind once again drawn to Lotor, he quickly opened a video channel between his pod and Lotor’s. He was unsurprised to see that Lotor had not changed, he sat huddled in his seat, his hands gripping the sides of his helmet. Keith was only glad he still had the helmet on, at least that way he wouldn’t be able to pull his hair or claw at his face. His chest was starting to ache, he quickly closed out the video channel.

 

“We will not be able to achieve warp 2 but I believe I will be able to manage by myself in warp 1. The speed change will cost us 30 minutes, by Hiraeth’s calculations.” He spoke as he tapped away at the screen, running diagnostics and calculating travel times. 

 

“Alright… Let’s head home.” Acxa sounded like she wanted to say more but instead bit her tongue on the matter, no doubt her thoughts were on Lotor as well.

 

\---

 

“You are late.” Commander Throk was standing on the docking platform when they arrived, a thick sense of dread filled Keith’s gut at the sight of the weasel of a commander. 

 

“We experienced unforeseen complications, Lotor is in need of the medbay.” Acxa spoke as she climbed out of her pod, Keith was the second out his pod, watching as their fearless leader stood toe-to-toe with Throk’s daunting figure. “Please alert them of his arrival.”

 

Throk sneered at that, obviously not very amused by receiving any kind of orders from Acxa, let alone any half-breed at all. 

 

“I’m sorry, I do not remember seeing him on the schedule for the medbay, if I am correct his annual check up is not till next quarter.” Keith could see the twitch to Acxa’s posture, he also didn’t miss the soft growl from Zethrid as she uncurled herself from her own pod. It had been a particularly trying day for them all, the last thing they needed was Throk denying them medical aid. 

 

“As I said before, this was an  _ unforeseen  _ complication, or did you not understand that?” Acxa’s voice dripped with absolute malice, Keith had never heard her backstalk a commander, or anyone for that matter. “Commander Throk.”

 

“You are lucky I do not throw him in the isolation cells and you along with him!” Throk’s voice raised to a shout but still Acxa showed no move to back down, just as she opened her mouth to spit her reply Keith stepped up and placed a firm hand on her shoulder.

 

“Excuse us, Commander Throk, we are all tired and exhaustion can have many adverse effects on mood, please forgive Acxa’s insolence.” He could feel her staring holes into the side of his head but he knew this was the right thing to do, even if he himself had drawn some small relief from Acxa’s prideful show. 

 

Throk stood down for a moment, regarding Keith with a pinched scowl before finally looking back at Acxa. “You should listen to your little cyborg friend, unless you want to end up just like him.” Throk leaned forward then, his glistening teeth showing through his smirk as he pressed into Acxa’s immediate personal space, to the side one of his hands came up and almost affectionately caressed the side of Keith’s head. “It's a little hard to look at him now, even after the initial wiping of his memories he still fought  _ so hard  _ for something he couldn't even remember.”

 

Keith suddenly felt very cold, goosebumps prickling against his skin as Throk’s fingers stroked through his hair, his fingertips finding the long scar on the side of his head from where they had place the implant inside his brain. It felt wrong to have it touched, even when Lotor used to accidentally bump against it when he brushed his hair it made him feel cold all the way to his core. This feeling was only made worse by the words that continued to spill out of Throk’s mouth. Wiped memories? He hadn’t even realized he’d had any to begin with. He hadn’t realized he’d been someone before he was here, on this ship, following orders like a good dog. He didn’t know he’d ever even known how to fight back. 

 

“It was pathetic really, no matter what we did to him, he refused to obey.” Throk leaned away from Acxa, his eyes now narrowed on Keith’s frozen figure. “They all break in the end though, you just needed a little assistance.” His fingers tapped against the flashing loop on Keith’s temple as he finally pulled his hand away, giving them both one last sneer before turning his back. “ _ All  _ of you will return to your barracks until ordered to do otherwise, that includes Lotor no matter his condition. I suggest you deal with it yourselves.”

 

Keith watched as Throk made his exit, his eyes staying in the same place even after the elevator taking the commander down to ground floor had disappeared with it’s passenger. The loop on his head flashed an ominous yellow as he tried to process everything that had just been said to him. Everything that had just changed for him. 

 

Beside him Acxa hadn’t moved out from under his hand, only turning to look at him, giving him a few moments of silence to himself before finally speaking. “We should see to Lotor.” Keith nodded numbly before managing to pry his hand from her shoulder, turning and making his way to the pod that had yet to actually open. 

 

Ezor and Zethrid were already at the pod, standing a small distance away and looking somewhat cautiously between each other and the pod. Around them were a few workers, including the one from that morning, who were whispering amongst themselves, anxiously waiting to see what was taking the prince so long. Acxa and Keith approached together, stepping up beside their other teammates just as Narti stepped off the loading elevator as it descended from the dock for the tyst.

 

“ _ What has happened to Lotor?”  _ Narti’s hands moved in fluid motions, she didn’t use sign language very often for whatever reason she had, only really relying on it when she really had no other way of getting an important point or question across. Keith could tell how worried she was about their missing teammate. 

 

“He won’t say, he was acting strangely this morning as well…” Ezor looked briefly at the pod before looking at Narti again. 

 

“ _ I could smell blood on him.” _ Everyone except Keith seemed to freeze at that, he’d been hoping she wouldn’t have been able to tell through Lotor’s armor and helmet. Perhaps he hadn’t cleaned Lotor’s armor well enough, some traces still clinging to its surface somewhere. “ _ And sex.” _

 

The docking back was suddenly freezing. Keith was moving before any of them had time to react to Narti’s words, his hands trembling slightly as he gripped the emergency release on the outside of the pod door. He gave it one sharp tug and the mechanism hissed as it released the internal pressure and unlocked it’s hinges, allowing Keith to swing the door up and out of the way, finally revealing the prince within. 

 

“Lotor?” Ezor was beside him then, kneeling down, her hands gripping the edge of the pod. “Sweetheart?” Her voice was sweet and soft almost maternal as she finally reached inside towards the hunched over prince.

 

Lotor was in a similar position as the last time Keith had seen him, the only difference now being that Lotor was steadily rocking himself back and forth, murmuring something too soft and jumbled for even Narti to make out most likely. His claws had torn through the fabric of his gloves and was currently gouging long, angry lines into the glass plating that covered the face of his helmet. As soon as Ezor’s hand made contact with his arm he flinched but thankfully did not thrash or pull away, his rocking only increased in desperation, his words coming a little quicker as he stuttered over his own breaths.

 

“L-Lotor... “ Keith couldn’t help but look at that broken voice, Acxa had her hand halfway to her mouth, her eyes pinched in anguish as the unmistakable mist of tears began to form. Acxa had always been a strong backbone to the team, both physically and emotionally, she did not easily reveal her emotions to their full extent nor was she one to easily lose control over herself and do something as rash as crying in a public space. But this was clearly too much for her to bear. “W-we need to move him, get all of these eyes off of him.” Keith couldn’t help but feel like maybe she’d finally figured it out on her own.

 

Zethrid stepped forward then, moving more gently than Keith had ever seen as she knelt down and carefully scooped the prince out of his seat. To all of their surprise, rather than trying to escape Zethrid’s hold, Lotor sunk right into her arms, his helmet clad face pressed hard against her chest as he hands dug into her shoulders, clearly holding onto her for all he was worth. Keith didn’t miss the small noise that escaped Zethrid as her ears pinned back and she clutched Lotor a little closer to her as a mother would a fragile little kit. It made Keith wonder if maybe she’d ever done this before. Perhaps with an actual kit rather than the broken shell of a man.

 

“What's happened to the prince?” It was the same worker from that morning, somehow he’d moved to the front of the gathering of the workers, speaking quietly so the other’s did not hear.

 

“It’s none of your concern, please move aside.” Acxa’s face was hard and unyielding as she put up her mask for the public eyes. The worker quickly moved as she’d asked, allow her as well as the rest of the girls and Lotor to pass, however, Keith held back for a question of his own. 

 

“Who are you?” Keith narrowed his eyes with what was only genuine curiosity, as well as a small hint of suspicion. 

 

The worker offered him a somber grin, one that held something else just behind it, Keith could tell it was a practiced emotion. Something told him there was something much deeper to this worker than all of the others, but he just couldn’t quite name what.

 

“You may call me Ulaz.” He inclined his head in a respectful greeting, Keith returned the gesture before he quickly moved on to catch up with the rest of his team.

 

\---

 

The walk back to their barracks had been a long one, the pace was slow as Zethrid didn’t want to jostle Lotor anymore than she had to. While he seemed content enough to be in her arms the actual movement of walking didn’t appear to sit well with him. Anytime she was forced to adjust her grip on him or move in any way that jostled him too much he would grip tighter to her, even at one point breaking through the fabric of her suit with his claws. Zethrid winced but offered no real complaint to the small pain. Keith didn’t know she could be so gentle or understanding. 

 

“Put him on the bed.” Acxa was already giving out orders when they reached their room, no one protested however only moving to follow her commands. “Narti, get him a glass of water from the bathroom. Ezor, Keith, help get his armor off. I’ll find him some blankets.” Acxa was already setting off on her own task, tugging any spare blankets she could find from their various hiding spots. 

 

Narti moved off to go to the bathroom as instructed while Ezor moved forward, gently sitting on the edge of the bed where Zethrid had sat down with him. Lotor was refusing to let go of Zethrid so he was left in an awkward clinging position while only his lower half actually rested on the bed. Zethrid didn’t seem bothered by the position, kneeling by the bed and allowing Lotor to cling to her as much as he liked. She brought up a hand gently ran it down his back, a deep purr sounding from within her chest. Keith couldn’t help but notice the way Lotor seemed to immediately relax just a little at the comforting sound.

 

“Okay, we’re just going to take this off, okay, darling?” Ezor was as sweet and kind as ever, her lithe fingers slipping beneath the edge of Lotor’s helmet. “Keith, get his boots?”

 

Keith finally moved then, sitting at the end of the bed and gently starting to remove Lotor’s boots, placing them quietly onto the floor as his eyes remained focused on Ezor’s movements as she made to remove Lotor’s helmet. For a moment Keith wondered if he should stop her, he remembered how distressed Lotor had become at the thought of the other’s seeing the complete ruin that Zarkon had made of his face. But logically, he knew they couldn’t hide it until it healed, that would take weeks, possibly a month or more, and it just wasn’t possible to keep a helmet on for that long. So Keith bit his tongue and kept himself silent as Ezor gently tugged the helmet up and off of Lotor’s head. Ezor gasped and Zethrid’s body immediately stiffened, Keith could tell exactly who noticed what first. Ezor’s eyes were glued to the shorn locks of Lotor’s once long and beautiful hair, whilst Zethrid’s stormy eyes were locked onto Lotor’s bruised and beaten features.

 

“L-Lotor, who-” Ezor saw it too, then. “Lotor.” Her eyes were already filling with tears as her hands trembled and hovered over the black and blue skin of Lotor’s abused face. “Lotor.” She cried feebly as she finally pressed a hand into his short hair, her tears flowing freely as she tried her best to comfort her broken friend even despite her own visible pain. 

 

Lotor made no visible reaction, he remained rigid in Zethrid’s arms and made no real move to hide his face or even pull away from Ezor’s shaky hand. It was as if he didn’t realize where he was or what exactly what going on around him, Keith remembered that same look from the previous night before as he’d curled beside Lotor and drifted off to sleep, watching Lotor stare blankly at the ceiling. 

 

“He’ll be like this for a while.” Keith’s voice seemed to break the spell of grief as Ezor and Zethrid finally looked up, for a moment their eyes drifted beyond him and he was sure that Acxa and Narti had also seen the state of the prince. 

 

“How do you know that?” Sure enough Acxa’s voice came from behind him, he didn’t need to look to know she was just as teary face as Ezor was. 

 

“He did the same thing last night…” Keith’s voice was soft, he wasn’t sure why, but it felt wrong to speak at room volume. “I don’t think he slept, however.” Keith rested a hand on Lotor’s calf, his fingers gently squeezing as that all too familiar tightness returned to his chest. “He wouldn’t move or speak, even as I tended to him.”

 

“Tended to him?” Ezor was speaking then, Keith’s eyes hadn’t left Lotor’s frozen form.

 

“As I washed him and dressed his wounds.” Keith stood then, his body moving almost on its own as he went through the motions of getting Lotor out of his armor. Lotor was silent and still as he tugged each piece free. “His night clothes?” The other’s finally moved from where they had been frozen whilst they watched Keith carefully undress Lotor with practised hands. 

 

Narti set the glass of water down onto the small nightstand, gathering up the pieces of armor Keith had placed on the bed and moving to put them away into Lotor’s personal storage compartments. Zethrid remained as she was, a steady force of nature and an apparent comfort to Lotor, her purr a constant sound that seemed to ease them all as they worked to make Lotor more comfortable. Ezor helped Keith as he tugged away the armor and handed it to Narti, she paused as they reached Lotor’s undersuit, sparing a glance at Keith who had also come to a stop.

 

“Lotor asked me not to tell…” Keith was looking at Acxa then, who had just returned with a pile of Lotor’s night clothes in her hand. “So please, do not ask me.” He waited until Acxa gave him a tense nod and finally he gripped the small zipper on the back of Lotor’s undersuit and gently began to tug it down.

 

The dark handprints on his neck were the first wounds to be unveiled as Keith and Ezor peeled the undersuit from his fragile body. He could hear Ezor’s breath hitching which each suppressed sob as they tugged the suit further down, revealing more and more of Lotor’s battered body. He was sure then that no one needed to ask him to know what had happened. From the deep scratches across Lotor’s back to the fingerprints bruised into the flesh of his hips, it was apparent what had taken place the night before. He could feel the eyes of the girls avert themselves as Keith tugged the suit past Lotor’s hips and down his legs, even Ezor’s hands disappeared as he took it upon himself to finish undressing Lotor. He couldn’t help but notice a few more bruises had darkened against Lotor’s lilac skin, deep swirling arrays of gray and black now lined the inside of Lotor’s thighs, his ribs were in a similar color, there were even bruises on his knees and calves. The pressure behind Keith’s eyes was building once again. 

 

Acxa was there suddenly, standing beside him, her face was red and slicked with fresh tears but she was a silent stone pillar as she always had been. She offered him Lotor’s night shirt as she hurriedly slipped his legs into the soft cotton pants, tugging them up and effectively covering him once again.

 

“It’s alright, Keith.” Acxa smoothed her hand over Keith’s back as he pried Lotor’s arms off of Zethrid, giving her the chance to escape, which for some reason she didn’t take, instead staying in place until Lotor’s arms were once again wound tightly around her neck, his abused face pressed close to her collar bone. “We’ll take care of him.” Keith tugged Lotor’s shirt all the way down before finally allowing Acxa to tug him away from the prince. He didn’t realize he’d been crying until he felt Acxa’s gentle fingers wiping his cheeks clean. “Go wash up and get ready for bed, we’ll take care of him now.”

 

Keith hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear those words until they were finally out in the open air. His shoulders sagged as he numbly nodded, he felt more hollow than usual which was honestly saying something. He cast one last glance over his shoulder, watching as the girls circled around Lotor and all did their part to help soothe him to sleep, before finally heading into the showers.

 

Keith stayed in the shower for perhaps longer than he really should have, gently scrubbing soap into his hair and running his fingers along the scar on the side of his head. He couldn’t help but think back to what Thace had said earlier, he’d been so caught up in Lotor he hadn’t really had time to dwell on the ominous meaning the cruel commander was trying to imply. Throk made it sound like he’d been someone before what he currently was, someone with emotions and a will to fight. It was a surreal thought and it made him more than slightly uncomfortable to think about. Was his name really even Keith? Or was that just the name Zarkon had decided upon for his pet? 

 

His scar throbbed as he massaged the soap into his scalp, a deep frown creasing his features, he could see the foggy reflection of a flickering yellow light in the dark metal wall of the shower. If what Throk was insinuating was true then that meant he hadn’t always been this way, it meant that at one point in his life he might have actually been free. Free to make his own choices, to refuse commands and do as he wished rather than what everyone else wanted of him. Thinking about it made his head hurt, maybe it was the device picking up on his treasonous thoughts, he knew he wasn’t supposed to even entertain the idea of freedom. The dull ache in his head was almost reminiscent of the ache that accompanied the random flashes of sound and emotion that often haunted his dreams, feeling far too real to truly belong only to the dream realm. Perhaps they were remnants of memories, memories Haggar had ripped away from him.

 

He quickly pushed the thoughts away, rinsing out his hair and shutting off the shower. His head was starting to pound.

 

Keith exited the bathroom in a fresh pair of night clothes to the sight of Zethrid tucked awkwardly into Lotor’s bed, his formed hunched and almost pained looking but her face seemed content nonetheless. Lotor himself was also squeezed into the bed, still pressed tightly against Zethrid’s chest but at least now his shoulders seemed slightly slumped and his body mostly lax with what could only be sleep.

 

“We gave him a sedative.” Acxa’s tired voice sounded from behind him where she sat on her own bed, starting to pull herself free from her own suit of armor. “If it’s like you said and he didn’t sleep at all last night we couldn’t let that happen again.” She let out a tired note and Keith moved to help her pull the zipper of her undersuit down to which she hummed her thanks. “We can’t let him suffer anymore than he already is…”

 

Keith stood back as Acxa got her feet, stripping herself fully and without hesitation. They had all seen each naked enough times to be used to it by now. Keith couldn’t help but wonder if that would change for Lotor, would the prince remain unaffected or would he now be averse to all nakedness? Keith couldn’t help but think back to that morning as Lotor had scrubbed himself to bleeding, it seemed the prince was already averse to his own nudity, let alone anyone else's. 

 

Acxa walked away from him then, headed to take her own shower, Ezor and Narti followed after her and Zethrid settled herself more firmly into Lotor’s bed a clear sign that she didn’t intend to move until told otherwise. Keith moved to his own bed, sliding under the covers and laying flat on his back as he listened to the sounds of running water and Zethrid’s loud purring. 

 

Amongst all the noise he could pick out the soft mumbling of the sleeping prince, he seemed to be troubled even in his induced sleep. His murmurs were too soft to hear but at several points his voice would hitch or his grip on Zethrid would tighten all of a sudden and the large galra female would purr louder and whisper sweet words too low for Keith to hear. Lotor would relax once again and mumble himself back into sweeter dreams. It was a cycle of sorts, one that went on for the entire night. Each time Lotor would stir they would all awaken from whatever dead sleep they had managed to find. They would not slip back into sleep until Lotor had been effectively soothed by Zethrid who remained as attentive as any caring mother might over a fussy kit. 

 

At one point Lotor’s voice grew too loud and clear to mask what only Zethrid had been able to hear up until that point.

 

“Father… Father…” His words sounded more like gasps that instantly startled the other occupants of the room awake. “Please… Please… Don’t… Father-!!” A choked sob and then Zethrid’s voice drowned at the rest as she quickly tried to soothe him.

 

After that, no one slept. They all lay in the darkness of the room, refusing to look at one another as each member processed Lotor’s frantic mumblings. 

 

Keith was certain now that they all knew exactly what had been done to Lotor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again everyone, I bet you weren't expecting me back so soon lmao. I ended up finishing up this chapter pretty quickly so I figured i'd go ahead and just post it.
> 
> Announcement!!
> 
> So I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do for next chapter, and after a lot of indecisiveness I've decided to hold a vote!!  
> Option 1: The next chapter is a continuation of this one and continues along the main focus of the story line as it has for the last nine chapters.   
> Option 2: The next chapter will turn away from our main focus and instead take a look at team voltron and explore what they've been up to the past two years since Keith's disappearance. 
> 
> Please leave your pick down in the comments below! I'll give everyone one week from today to make a vote and by next monday I'll tally it all up and get starting writing on the next chapter!!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who leaves comments and kudos <3


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